IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines . Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages.

Numerous
tasks
Use synonyms
 that were once completed manually at
home
Use synonyms
 , now are performed by
machines
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay
present
Change the verb form
presents
show examples
 that development like more advantageous than disadvantageous because it saves
time
Use synonyms
, improves efficiency, and enhances quality of life.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the machine
a machine
show examples
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 can release human-being workers from
Use synonyms
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 around
Use synonyms
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
. Devices like washing
machines
Use synonyms
, dishwashers and robotic vacuums automate tedious
tasks
Use synonyms
, directing
time
Use synonyms
 for more meaningful activities
such
Linking Words
 as family relationships or personal pursuits.
This
Linking Words
 efficiency is especially beneficial for working individuals who struggle to balance domestic responsibilities with professional demands. For example, my cousin was torturing overloaded
home
Use synonyms
tasks
Use synonyms
 after
harsh
Add an article
the harsh
a harsh
show examples
 work day and became
beated
Correct your spelling
beaten
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
 nowadays he can allocate more
time
Use synonyms
 to personal care via machine than
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been bought to automate his
tasks
Use synonyms
 through
Use synonyms
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
machines
Use synonyms
 often perform
tasks
Use synonyms
 more consistently and accurately than humans. To say that, they make one type of work without any mistakes and follow that temp constantly.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
machines
Use synonyms
 can handle repetitive or physically demanding
tasks
Use synonyms
, reducing workload and injuries for individuals. Critics argue that everyday reliance on
machines
Use synonyms
 may increase laziness and lead to severe health issues
such
Linking Words
 as obesity. Dependence on technology may reduce basic skills,
such
Linking Words
 as cooking or sewing, making people less self-development.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, reduced physical activity from relying on
machines
Use synonyms
 may contribute to a more inactive lifestyle.
Thus
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 technology offers convenience, excessive reliance on it can have drawbacks. In conclusion, the shift from manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 to
machines
Use synonyms
 in homes is largely
prosperious
Correct your spelling
prosperous
. It saves
time
Use synonyms
, enhances productivity, and improves
overall
Linking Words
 living standards.
Hovewer
Correct your spelling
However
 it should not be regardless of
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 consequences of technology replacing.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, but it could be more explicit in outlining the main points you will discuss. Consider adding a brief overview of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are quite long and may lead to confusion. Try to break them up for clarity. Using clear linkers and transition phrases will help improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and typos, such as 'present that development like' instead of 'presents this development as'. Such mistakes may distract from your ideas.
supporting main points
You have successfully highlighted several advantages of machines, such as saving time and improving efficiency. These points are relevant and contribute well to your argument.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issue, reiterating the benefits of machines in the home context.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Manual labor
  • Displacement
  • Homemaking skills
  • Technological advancements
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Resource depletion
  • Energy efficiency
  • Social dynamics
  • Operational understanding
What to do next:
Look at other essays: