IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that schools are responsible for teaching children moral values. Others believe that this is the responsibility of parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, moral
values
Use synonyms
 have shaped society and there is an ongoing debate whether the
school
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 should be accountable for teaching pupils those
values
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 or their
parents
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. From my perspective, parent are responsible for their own
children
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. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both views and state my opinion. On the one hand, educational institutions play a crucial role in the pupils' manners and
values
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
school
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 establishes a curriculum that emphasises moral education, and lets students attend it regularly that will give them the opportunity to exchange ideas and grow to be respectful adults.
In addition
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, teachers can help students
to
Verb problem
apply
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develop mutual respect, emotional awareness, and communication skills, and that will emphasize personal growth and empathy.
However
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,
while
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 schools can support
this
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 development,
parents
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 remain the primary influence in shaping their
children
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's character.
On the other hand
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, the family is involved primarily in shaping the child's personality regarding their culture and environment. To illustrate, Some families encourage their teenagers to behave in a socially acceptable way
while
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 others neglect
about
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apply
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their kid's moral development.
Consequently
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, those who have been raised by a family
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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values
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 mutual respect will grow as responsible and respectful adults.
In contrast
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,
children
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 who lack proper guidance at home may struggle with moral behaviour later in life.
That is
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 why I believe
parents
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 have an essential role in forming their
children
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's
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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, even if they are being taught at
school
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.
To sum up
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, moral education is crucial in our society today,
while
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 the
school
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's role is important in teaching pupils those
values
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, I believe that
parents
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 have the primary responsibility in shaping their kids' characters

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task achievement
Consider adding a few more specific examples within your arguments to illustrate your points better and enhance your task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to consistently make correct grammatical agreements (e.g., 'parents' not 'parent') to improve coherence and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
You might want to vary your sentence structures a bit more to improve the flow and keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both perspectives effectively, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issue clearly and concisely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral values
  • responsibility
  • structured environment
  • role model
  • fairness
  • honesty
  • respect
  • peer interaction
  • diverse perspectives
  • conflict resolution
  • foundational values
  • family environments
  • traditions
  • guidance
  • personal growth
  • teaching
  • education system
  • social aspect
  • consistency
  • morality
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