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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, some
parents
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 have chosen to educate their
children
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 at
home
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instead
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 of sending them to
school
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.
While
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this
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 approach offers several advantages, I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
Firstly
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,
Parents
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 who educate their
children
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 at
home
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 can provide more comprehensive daily care, including life skills
such
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 as household chores and self-care, which are rarely taught in traditional schools.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 may have more patience and can better manage their child’s
behavior
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behaviour
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, which helps develop discipline from a young age.
Moreover
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, to
start
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apply
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learning from an early stage,
which
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apply
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leads to a mature personality
that is
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 beneficial to
make
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making
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the
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apply
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bond
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bonds
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 with others in society.
For example
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,
children
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 who are taught at
home
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 might show more empathy and sympathy than others who are going to
school
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 because their learning process contains more love and care.
By contrast
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, one major disadvantage of homeschooling is that
parents
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 may lack the professional training and subject knowledge that qualified teachers possess.which means general individuals can not teach a wide range of subjects.
For instance
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, covering math and geography is an important foundation for young kids.
Also
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,
School
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 life provides a chance to make friends, so
children
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 can develop teamwork abilities, which is helpful for their future life in society.
Additionally
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,
by
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apply
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giving more multitasking tasks from
school
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 would boost their stress tolerance, which is a crucial trait that can not be obtained from
home
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 teaching. In conclusion,
while
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 homeschooling can offer personalized care and emotional support, I believe that attending
school
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 provides
children
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 with a more balanced and well-rounded education, especially in preparing them for academic and social challenges in the real world.

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task achievement
Clarify and expand on your main points; ensure each idea is fully developed with explanations and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use linking words more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures to enhance readability.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, engaging with both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction provides a clear outline of your argument and conclusion wraps up your essay well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • homeschooling
  • flexibility
  • individual learning style
  • family bonds
  • safer environment
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • educational resources
  • socialization
  • commitment
  • diverse viewpoints
  • narrow worldview
  • gaps in learning
  • community programs
  • educational travels
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