IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

One of the major problems that today’s government faces is creating enough satisfactory housing for their increasing populations whilst still trying to protect the environment. How can this be achieved? Discuss and give your opinion.

There is a debate among people about how to choose the way of punishment for criminals. A group of individuals presents that punishment for
crimes
Use synonyms
 should be the same for all,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that each criminal must be assessed based on their situation and the offender's intentions. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that having fixed punishments for each type of
crime
Use synonyms
 ensures consistency and fairness in society. It can
also
Linking Words
 act as a deterrent, as potential criminals would be aware of the consequences of their actions.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person would know that if they commit a
crime
Use synonyms
 like a robbery, they will be sentenced to prison.
Hence
Linking Words
, they might avoid committing significant
crimes
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another group of people claim that not all
crimes
Use synonyms
 are committed under the same conditions or for the same reasons. They insist that judges should be allowed to investigate the roots of
crime
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as whether the
crime
Use synonyms
 was accidental or intentional.
However
Linking Words
, I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing as it might contribute to discrimination and potential bias in the court.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some judges might be offered a bribe to consider fake circumstances as real ones to reduce the level of criminals' punishment and vice versa.
For example
Linking Words
, they are more likely to suppose an accidental murder as a deliberate
crime
Use synonyms
, and the reverse might
also
Linking Words
 happen.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some believe that individual circumstances should be considered when determining punishments, I firmly support the idea of fixed penalties for specific
crimes
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 approach promotes justice, prevents bias and prejudice, and helps maintain a clear and consistent system that discourages criminal behaviour.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or real-world cases to strengthen the arguments. This will add depth to your points and help illustrate your opinions more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument and relates back to the thesis. This will help to improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and effectively addresses the task requirement by discussing both sides of the argument before concluding with a strong stance.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, and the use of linking words helps to guide the reader through your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: