IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opin

Nowadays, if you want to earn more money you should have more experience and expertise in a special way. Some individuals think successful sports professionals can earn money more than humans who are in other important professions. but some people think it is unfair for them. for me, I strongly agree with the first opinion by reason below.
firstly
Linking Words
, successful sports professionals can do better than others because behind their success they
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 to work hard and learn more from the class or professor. For example,
Ronando
Correct your spelling
Ronaldo
was successful in football and he is a model on the sports side, before that, he practised too hard and did his job
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every day. So, it makes him earn more benefits
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than others.
Second,
Linking Words
individuals who have success have special characteristics that many general people don't have and can not duplicate for that character.
however
Linking Words
, if you want to earn a lot of money I think you should practise too hard and learn the good things for successful persons than do the best for your business.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state the issue and your stance on the topic. Currently, it is a little unclear and could benefit from clearer expression and structure.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use linking words and phrases effectively to connect your ideas. This will improve the overall flow of your essay and enhance coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that each of your main points is fully developed with relevant examples or explanations. You cited Ronaldo, which is good, but more detailed analysis or additional examples could strengthen your argument.
relevant topic
You have chosen a relevant and interesting topic to discuss, and your position is clear in the introduction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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