IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ALthouh many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residental areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 find public
parks
Use synonyms
 very useful.
Linking Words
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 consider that because of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 population or developing business
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
 can be used for different purposes
such
Linking Words
 as
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
areas
Use synonyms
. From my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 opinion is not good, I don't agree with
this
Linking Words
. That essay will discuss arguments for both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
. On the one hand, public
parks
Use synonyms
 make
people
Use synonyms
's daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more active and lively. They are space
areas
Use synonyms
 for both children's enjoyment and parent's recreation. It is very
diffucult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 for parents
keeping
Change the verb form
to keep
show examples
 their children at home without physical activity. That's why, they take their children to
parks
Use synonyms
 for both breathing fresh air and playing various games.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most
parks
Use synonyms
 have free exercise
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 which
people
Use synonyms
 can build
string
Correct your spelling
strong
show examples
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 by using them.
For example
Linking Words
,
Anew Tv
Correct your spelling
New TV
show examples
 reports that the expansion of public
parks
Use synonyms
 increased the level of
people
Use synonyms
 satisfaction by 13 percent compared to the previous indicator.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, at a time when the population is growing, the space of public
areas
Use synonyms
 can be better used for different purposes. To achieve economic development and business boost these parking spaces can be replaced with
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
areas
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in large megacities. Rather than allocating wide
areas
Use synonyms
 for
parks
Use synonyms
, building skyscrapers is more beneficial for providing housing for the homeless.
For instance
Linking Words
,
"Green
Correct article usage
the "Green
show examples
 Life"
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 area built on the site of the Grand Park has provided housing for 10 000
people
Use synonyms
. İn conclusion, from my point of view, having
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
 park for
people
Use synonyms
 to relax is more important than building
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
areas
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as high-ranking skyscrapers.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your position on the topic in the introduction and throughout the essay. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, which will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid small grammatical mistakes (like 'residental' should be 'residential' and 'diffucult' should be 'difficult') as they can affect the overall clarity. Proofread your work before submission.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion on the issue and present arguments for both sides, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You include specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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