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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents think that children should do extracurricular activities after school. Others think that this will be a burden for them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often
though
Correct your spelling
thought
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 that
parents
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 ought to send their
children
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 to do
extrarricular
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extracurricular
activities
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 after school,
while
Linking Words
 others say that
this
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 is too much for them and can make them drawbacks. in my opinion, I think
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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extrarrcular
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extracurricular
activities
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 daily is excellent for
children
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 if it is not too difficult or too much.
One
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On
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 the one hand, some
parents
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 believe that
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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extrarricular
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extracurricular
activities
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every day
Replace the word
everyday
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 aid
children
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 discover and enrich their
kracks
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skills
, and I agree.
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in
Capitalize word
In
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 other words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when
children
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 do it and discover what their skills
, it
Add a missing verb
are, it
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 helps them how
can
Verb problem
apply
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improve their
kracks
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skills
,
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moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 when
children
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 discover it they are young, which makes it easier for them to develop it.
For example
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, it become a popular
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activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
activity
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 in Saudi Arabia,
such
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 as
Jeddah
Change preposition
in Jeddah
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 city;
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furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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 Saudi
children
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develped
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developed
 educationally.
Therefore
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, they can
meet
Verb problem
make
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 new friends.
Furthermore
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,
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 it daily makes
children
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 more full of energy.
This
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 is because they can
lean
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learn
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 something new from other
children
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, and improve
cummonacation
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communication
 skills.
this
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 habit is crucial not only in school but
also
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 in life when they are old.
On the other hand
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, many
parents
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 think it is too much for
children
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 and can
make
Verb problem
cause
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 them several problems. One reason is that they do not spend more
time
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 with their family and siblings.
That is
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 to
say
Add a comma
say,
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 they do not get enough
time
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 to enjoy and play with their family and
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 family's
feel
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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 will be affected.
For instance
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, a child who does not
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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time
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 to talk and play with his family, feel will
e
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be
 affected when he
see
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
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 his
friends
Change noun form
friend's
friends'
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 relationship with their family are good. Another reason is that they do not have more
time
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 for their homework . If
children
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 are always busy with
activities
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, they do not have more
time
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 with their
home work
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homework
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, which is not good
or
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for
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 their education.
To sum up
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, even though
parents
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 have various views, I believe that
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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it is good to discover and improve their skills after that their education level will
be improve
Change the verb form
be improved
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.

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language use
Focus on improving your sentence structure and word choice. There are some spelling and grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as 'extrarricular' instead of 'extracurricular'.
coherence
Ensure that paragraphs are cohesive and that ideas flow logically. Use linking words and phrases to connect your points more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on your examples. Providing more specific examples would help to illustrate your points more clearly and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument fairly and stated your opinion clearly, which is important for task response.
coherence
Your introduction sets the context of the discussion well and expresses your opinion, which is a good practice.
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