IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

Nowadays, in some countries young
students
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 are likely to do
work
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 or
travel
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 at the same time, in the years between finishing high school and starting university , I will write about both the
advantage
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advantages
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 and
disadvantages
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 in
this
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 essay. On one hand , the countries that encourage
students
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 to
work
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 have an advantage in the
work
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 environment
due to
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 the lack of a workforce despite
of
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apply
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lack of experience which they can develop it throw the years , and it could help the
students
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 to be more responsible as
work
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 need responsibility and to be more
fouces
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focuses
 at
thire
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their
 job requirements ,
in addition
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, they could pay their own bill and buy
every thing
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everything
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 they want, and help them to control their expenses.
On the other hand
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 , encouraging
students
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 to
travel
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 has good benefits for the
students
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 it could help them to expand their relationships circles and
also
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 get to know different people there
in addition
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, they could get an experience from meeting other people
while
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 they
travel
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 One more thing is the
disadvantages
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 about
this
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 subject is it could make the
students
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 do not perform well and their studies
due to
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 their ability of as they not can do both of things as an adult, it can
also
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 be more stressful for them and for the
students
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 who chose to
travel
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 they can feel homesick as they are away from their friends and families In conclusion, both views contain advantages and
disadvantages
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, but the advantages outweigh the
disadvantages
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.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate your points more clearly. This will enhance your argument and provide clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve your paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is clearly linked to the overall argument. This will help improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity. Some sentences need clearer structure and phrasing. This will make your ideas more understandable.
task achievement
You have introduced the topic clearly and provided a discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, which is essential for this type of essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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