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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.
The line graph illustrates the
number
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 of tourists in Britain coming from overseas for three different purposes over a 20-year
period
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between1989
Correct your spelling
between 1989
 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were some fluctuations in the quantity of overseas
visitors
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 for all three purposes.
Although
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
people
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 paying a visit for
holiday
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, business and to friends or relatives increasing continually, the
holiday
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 was the dominant purpose for most
people
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 over the given
period
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. In 1998, 6.5
million
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visitors
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 made a visit to Britain for
Use synonyms
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 their amount rose moderately by 1999, reaching 9.5
million
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people
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. After some changes,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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, the
number
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 of
holiday
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visitors
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 stood at 9
million
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. When it comes to business and visits to relatives or friends, they changed almost in parallel, from 1989 to 2009. In the beginning, the
number
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 of visits for business reached 5.5
million
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
people
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 coming to the UK
for meeting
Change preposition
to meet
show examples
 friends or relatives was only 3.5
million
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. In 2004, they were
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a similar level, accounting for 7
million
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.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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, the former reached 7
million
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the latter was 6
million
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 as the least common purpose of
visitors
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, period, visitors, people, holiday, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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