IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of oil drilling operations in remote locations around the world. This has brought economic benefits to some countries, though it has also raised concerns about the environmental impact of these operations. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Over the
last
Linking Words
 few decades, there has been a noticeable rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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oil
Use synonyms
 exploration practices in far-off regions.
Although
Linking Words
 these extraction
processes
Use synonyms
 significantly contribute to the boom in the economy,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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they
also
Linking Words
 pose
rather
Add an article
a rather
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 alarming plethora of risks to the ecosystems. I personally stand with the latter viewpoint
,
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apply
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 and believe that these practices result in depletion and accidents that severely harm our natural world. To commence with, the ever-increasing demand for natural resources like crude
oil
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 and gas to generate energy has resulted in
further
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 tapping of untouched locations in search
for
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of
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oil
Use synonyms
 reserves. It is undeniable that
such
Linking Words
 operations create abundant employment opportunities for the local people.
Additionally
Linking Words
, dependency on
oil
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 imports diminishes, as the country becomes self-sufficient. To exemplify, Equatorial Guinea,
small
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a small
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 country in
the
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apply
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west Africa experienced exponential growth economically, upon
discovery
Correct article usage
the discovery
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 of natural
oil
Use synonyms
 reserves in 1995.
This
Linking Words
 resulted in enhanced infrastructure which visibly changed the country’s landscape,
along with
Linking Words
 advanced educational standards and health care systems.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these extraction
processes
Use synonyms
 come with various potential risks that can prove to be detrimental
for
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to
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 the environment. Crude
oil
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, being a non-renewable fossil fuel, might end up getting depleted with countless on-shore and offshore drilling
processes
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 going on around the world, to meet the rampant global demand.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these operations often lead to accidents
such
Linking Words
 as
oil
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 spills which not only contaminate the
sea water
Correct your spelling
seawater
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 but
also
Linking Words
 adversely
effects
Verb problem
affect
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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marine life,
natural
Correct word choice
and natural
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 habitats and might end up entering the food chain, which can directly affect humans. To illustrate,
Correct article usage
the deep
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deep water
Correct your spelling
deepwater
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horizon
Capitalize word
Horizon
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oil
Use synonyms
 spill is known to be the largest spill in the history of the U.S. Having killed and
injuring
Wrong verb form
injured
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 plenty of on-site workers, the
oil
Use synonyms
 devastated habitats and marine life including corals, fish, birds,
sea
Correct word choice
and sea
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 turtles. To recapitulate,
while
Linking Words
 extraction of fossil fuels might bring about economic advantage to the country, I strongly believe that these
processes
Use synonyms
 are posing alarming menaces
such
Linking Words
 as
oil
Use synonyms
 spills which result in adverse ramifications
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 ecological systems.

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Task Achievement
While your introduction presents the topic well, it could benefit from clearer thesis statement that outlines both sides succinctly. Ensure that your stance is clearly presented in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of 'although' and 'but' in the same sentence is incorrect. Try to use either 'although' at the beginning of a new clause or rephrase for better clarity.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on the economic benefits section to provide a more balanced discussion of both sides. This will enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistency in terminology when discussing the same ideas. For instance, you switch between 'extraction processes' and 'drilling operations' without a clear reason.
Task Achievement
You explained a compelling example of Equatorial Guinea's oil discovery and its economic impact, effectively supporting your argument about economic benefits.
Task Achievement
Your discussion about the environmental risks was thorough, especially your reference to the Deepwater Horizon spill, which illustrates the potential consequences effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Extraction industry
  • Fossil fuels
  • Renewable resources
  • Sustainability
  • Ecosystem
  • Biodiversity
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Carbon footprint
  • Ecological balance
  • Socio-economic development
  • Non-renewable resources
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainable development
  • Climate mitigation
  • Energy transition
  • Ecological footprint
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Pollution control measures
  • Economic diversification
  • Resource exploitation
What to do next:
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