IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would be benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole Do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate
whether
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about whether
show examples
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
 unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 in their spare time to support the local community.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that all teenagers have to do
work
Use synonyms
 without pay because it is beneficial for them, others argue that
this
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 opinion is unnecessary. I firmly agree with the former and doing
this
Linking Words
 type of job can benefit them socially
as well as
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 mentally. First of all, youngsters can have an opportunity to practice altruism
through
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by
show examples
 doing community
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
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 voluntarily.
By
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In
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this
Linking Words
 way, they will learn how to share and to be more generous to those who are more disadvantaged.
As a result
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, they begin to put themselves in others' shoes and gain a deeper understanding
about
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of
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 social values of what helping others selflessly can offer in return
instead
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 of getting paid
by
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for
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 what they do.
For example
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, in Vietnam, most high schools require students to take part in the Youth Union and take on many voluntary projects
such
Linking Words
 as clearing waste in canals in some local areas to help the environment cleaner. From
this
Linking Words
 activity,
a
Remove the article
apply
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recent research shows that they start to enjoy doing
this
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 type of
work
Use synonyms
 because they are more likely to find a good meaning in life. Yet, they may get unmotivated to
do
Verb problem
apply
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volunteering
Replace the word
volunteer
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 without receiving any pay because they feel like they are not receiving reciprocation
that is
Linking Words
 worth their time and efforts.
However
Linking Words
, these individuals are not mature enough to get ready for having real jobs.
Therefore
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, by doing community service, they can practice patience and resilience so as to overcome the ups and downs later in their adulthood, rather than sticking to their egos and only
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
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 on what they really want.
For instance
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,
a
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apply
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research shows that young people who have done voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 in their teens often become more empathetic and persistent in life compared to their peers. In conclusion, doing an unpaid job in their free time can help
boosting
Wrong verb form
boost
show examples
 their social skills and develop to have compassion towards people who are not in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
. Personally, I hope that
this
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 trend will still be maintained in the future.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main point in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and simple linking words to connect your ideas.
task achievement
You provided good examples about community service that are relevant and support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well done in terms of structure and connecting the points.
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