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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. what do you think are the causes of this problem? what measures could best be taken to solve it?

In many countries,
children
Use synonyms
 and teenagers love to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 inside their houses.
This
Linking Words
 might be caused by social media and toxic neighbourhoods.
However
Linking Words
, there are several solutions that
parents
Use synonyms
 could take to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue. There are two causes of the young’s solitary lifestyle.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they prefer to
kill
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
 on social media rather than go outside. There are many applications that provide interesting content,
such
Linking Words
 as YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok. Not only provide appealing entertainment, but these applications
also
Linking Words
 connect them with their friends at school, keeping them in touch without having outdoor activities.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the toxic
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
, where
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 juvenile
delinquency
Change to a plural noun
delinquencies
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 everywhere, could influence their behaviours.
For example
Linking Words
, teenagers who tend to try new dangerous things,
such
Linking Words
 as drugs, could spread the same anti-social behaviour to others. Looking at
this
Linking Words
 situation,
parents
Use synonyms
 tend to set a rule for their
children
Use synonyms
 to stay at home. To
addressed
Change the form of the verb
address
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem, there are two solutions that
parents
Use synonyms
 can do. The first solution is setting the screening
time
Use synonyms
. By giving
time
Use synonyms
 limitations for
children
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can control their phone usage.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they would get bored and try to seek another activity,
such
Linking Words
 as playing outside.
This
Linking Words
 leads to the second solution which is providing a family-friendly environment, where the
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 love to spread kindness. Having a good place to live can help
parents
Use synonyms
 look after their
children
Use synonyms
 when they play around the house,
such
Linking Words
 as in the park, without worrying about bad things. In conclusion, spending many hours at home for the young
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 caused by social media and
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 living environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is the
parents
Use synonyms
’ responsibility to control their
children
Use synonyms
’s phone usage and to provide a good living place.

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task achievement
Try to include more detailed examples to support your ideas. For each point, it would help to show how these factors affect children and teenagers more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear and simple transition words to connect your ideas. Words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' can help the reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed. You mention toxic neighborhoods but could explain more about how they affect children.
task achievement
You have identified relevant causes and solutions to the problem, which is a key part of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion summarize your ideas well, showing a clear beginning and end.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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