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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of overseas users who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.

The graph below shows the number of overseas users who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009.
The line graph illustrates the amount of UK visitors for three different kinds of purposes during the years 1989 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a torrent of fluctuations in the number of overseas users who came to the United Kingdom for holidays, business and visiting family members or close friends.
Also
Linking Words
, the most number of them were
people
Use synonyms
 who came for
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
show examples
 in comparison with the others. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first sight, it can be clearly seen that, in 1989, about 6.5
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 came for holidays
while
Linking Words
 it was about 4.5
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 for business and about 3.5
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
who came to visit their family and friends.
Although
Linking Words
, in 2004, they were
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a similar level,
at the end
Linking Words
 the number of visitors for holiday
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 increased
Change preposition
by about9
show examples
about9
Correct your spelling
about 9
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 and the others rose to 6.5
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
. Another point that should be mentioned is related to 1999. At
this
Linking Words
 time the visitors for holiday purposes experienced a huge rise near 10
million
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the two others had a minimum increase
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 6
million
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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