IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people regard eating meat as completely wrong. To what extent do you agree?

there are some individuals who claim that consuming
meat
Use synonyms
 products is
Correct article usage
an absolutely
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absolutely
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absolute
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 mistake. I disagree with that
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because
meat
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 has a
lot
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 of
vitamins
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 and other stuff which are required by our
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
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 and not eating enough
meat
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 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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on
Change preposition
apply
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our immune system. On the one hand,
meat
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 has a
lot
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 of benefits
such
Linking Words
 as
vitamins
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, minerals and proteins which are very significant for people's lives. Athletes should have a good plan of eating to be ready for
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
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 in a match or in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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training.
For example
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, sportsmen like Cristiano Ronaldo, David Goggins and LeBron James have great plans
of
Change preposition
for
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 their eating
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due to
Change preposition
because
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they can show the best performances in their types of sports.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, vegetarian individuals do not have a
lot
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 of energy than humans who eat
meat
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.
However
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, vegetarians think that they can live without
vitamins
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 which
meat
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 has. Nowadays, there are a
lot
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 of diseases and
vitamins
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 can help beat them. In the sport's history, we have some examples of successful vegetarian athletes, too.
For instance
Linking Words
, Lionel Messi did not have
meat
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 when was a child,
because
Correct word choice
and because
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 of that he stopped growing in 11 years. He started to use some medicine to start growing again. In conclusion,
while
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minority
Add an article
a minority
the minority
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 of the population thinks that nothing will happen to them
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if they stop having
meat
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. In my opinion, we should have
a
Remove the article
meat
a slice of meat
a lump of meat
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meat
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 to be more energic,
not
Correct word choice
and not
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 to be ill and if our bodies do not have a
lot
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 of
vitamins
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 we cannot change
this
Linking Words
 world in a positive way.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to follow a clearer structure. Use separate paragraphs for each main idea.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas. Give more details and examples to support your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler phrases to connect your sentences. This can help your reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
You provide some interesting examples of athletes, which show effort in supporting your argument.
task achievement
You clearly express your disagreement with the idea of not eating meat.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wrong
  • healthier
  • animals
  • conditions
  • killed
  • cruel
  • fair
  • diet
  • fruits
  • vegetables
  • better
  • longer
  • impact
  • production
  • land
  • water
  • energy
  • pollution
  • cultural
  • traditions
  • part
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