IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones . why is this case ? do you think this is a positive or negative development

There is no denying the fact that
kids
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 are
useing
Correct your spelling
using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
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 and phones all day.
Linking Words
While it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
show examples
 held belief that
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and social
media
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 can used in good and bad situations.
This
Linking Words
 essay will talk about it.
To begin
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 with,
kids
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useing
Correct your spelling
using
 a
moblie
Correct your spelling
mobile
phone
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as well as
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 social
meida
Correct your spelling
media
 every day on bad content will make
there
Correct your spelling
their
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mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
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confused
Correct word choice
apply
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because nowadays social
media
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 give you small videos with a
lot
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 of topics
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
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 make you lost.
In other words
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, children need some
time
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 to improve their
skills
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 about
life
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 in
real
Add an article
the real
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 world not just
in
Change preposition
on
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 a
phone
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, like to go outside and have some friends.
In addition
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,
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
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 their
time
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 on phones will get the children
lezy
Correct your spelling
lazy
 and not doing anything in their
life
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.
For example
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, they will not have
time
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 to do their homework or essay because their minds thinking on social
media
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. In other
ways
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, nowadays mobile
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 can be used in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
ways
Use synonyms
. There are thousands of videos on how to improve your
skills
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 in confidence, social
life
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 and
manege
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
 your
time
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 and a
lot
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 of things.
For instance
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, a study in Japan
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 two
kids
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 and
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good content
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 developing their
skills
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. After 4 years they found that the two
kids
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 have acquired
skills
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 in a
lot
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 of areas. In the end,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 can be used in a
lot
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 of
ways
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 but the
chooes
Correct your spelling
choice
 is in your hands. You can go with
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good way
good ways
show examples
ways
Use synonyms
 like we say or waste your
time
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 and be
loser
Add an article
a loser
the loser
show examples
 in your
life
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to introduce your main points clearly and in an organized way. Each paragraph should have a main idea that connects to your topic.
task achievement
Try to provide more clear examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and easier to understand.
language accuracy
Use better grammar and spelling. Words like 'using' and 'mobile' should be spelled correctly.
task achievement
You have good ideas about the effects of smartphones on children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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