IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays both scientists and tourists can go to remote natural environments such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is commonly believed that the environment of distant
sites
Use synonyms
 might be harmed by tourism. I, to a small extent, agree with
this
Linking Words
 belief. Notwithstanding the effect of the
sites
Use synonyms
 that the sightseer can cause, It is crucial to allow tourism so that the public can have a medium to understand the value of natural environments. Admittedly, it is concerned that
traveler
Fix the agreement mistake
travelers
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 may affect the natural settings by having inappropriate behaviours
such
Linking Words
 as leaving leftovers, feeding wild animals, taking away the plants as souvenirs, and so forth.
Such
Linking Words
 actions are possible to lead to various negative results, including pollution, change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 wild species' habits, and invasion of foreign species in the
traveler'
Change noun form
traveler's
show examples
 motherland. More importantly, arriving in faraway places is already an act of pollution. The vehicles,
such
Linking Words
 as aeroplanes and ships, that drive passengers from their region to their destination will dispose of a huge amount of air waste.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is crucial for the public to visit the environment. It is because they need to learn the value of nature through witnessing in the first place how these settings are beautiful, beneficial for humans, and
thus
Linking Words
 worthwhile to protect. Paradoxically, their possible inappropriate manners shall be alleviated through visiting the
sites
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, though there is a key drawback of allowing visitor to visit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distant natural
sites
Use synonyms
, which is that their possible inappropriate manners may affect the settings.
However
Linking Words
, the educational values of allowing tourism in the
sites
Use synonyms
 can make a better case for
this
Linking Words
 matter.

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task achievement
The essay has a clear argument, but it could benefit from more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it flows logically from one to the next. Use linking words to help with this.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to make them clearer. For example, give specific examples of how tourists could learn from nature.
coherence
Revise your conclusion to reflect the arguments you've made more strongly and tie them together better.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument for the importance of tourism in understanding nature, which is a strong point.
task achievement
You identified some potential negative impacts of tourism, acknowledging that it is a complex issue, which is good.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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