IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth. However, some argue that innovation should be targeted towards addressing social and environmental issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Since the
second world war
Correct your spelling
Second World War
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,
technology
Use synonyms
innovation
Use synonyms
 never stops to increase and
then
Linking Words
 improving
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life habits.
While
Linking Words
 individuals think that
innovation
Use synonyms
 is only driven by
profit
Use synonyms
motive
Fix the agreement mistake
motives
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, others consider that it is a real opportunity for social welfare and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 preservation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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 before
argue
Change the verb form
arguing
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 that
while
Linking Words
 technological advancement is an integral part of human evolution, societies
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to implement sustainable practices. Many
people
Use synonyms
 consider that
innovation
Use synonyms
 is only guided by market demands and
then
Linking Words
 by
profit
Use synonyms
 and economic growth.
Consequently
Linking Words
, industries constantly come up with new consumer products that
people
Use synonyms
 are eager to buy.
This
Linking Words
 strategy ultimately results in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 dependency on new
technology
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 products. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is
Apple
Correct article usage
the Apple
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 industry which sells a new iPhone every year with small novelties but individuals are eager to buy it. Extending
this
Linking Words
 line of reasoning,
profit
Use synonyms
 motivation leads technological industries and governments to change population habits. Indeed, some laws could directly or indirectly oblige consumers to buy some goods they do not need arguing that it is an environmental necessity.
For example
Linking Words
, in
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
union
Capitalize word
Union
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, in 2035, only electric vehicles will be allowed on the road even though their fabrication models and their real environmental impact
raises
Correct subject-verb agreement
raise
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 questions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 argue that countries should foster humanitarian
innovation
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 approach suggests that new technologies could be a solution to improve life habits and social welfare. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 point of view, medicine
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more efficient thanks to
technology
Use synonyms
 and nowadays artificial intelligence can,
for example
Linking Words
, detect cancer still undeclared.
This
Linking Words
 social benefit is
further
Linking Words
 amplified by the possibility to limit environmental degradation through new technologies
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 renewable energies.
For instance
Linking Words
, in New Caledonia where
de
Add an article
the de
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 sun is very strong, solar panels are installed on
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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 and houses to supply electricity not only for their own consumption but for whole the country. In my opinion, countries have to strike a balance
on
Change preposition
between
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 these two approaches. Indeed,
while
Linking Words
 economic growth should not be the only motivation,
innovation
Use synonyms
 needs financial support to go on.
This
Linking Words
is means
Change the verb form
means
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 that
technology
Use synonyms
 companies must
be to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
ensure commercial viability but their first goal should be social welfare and environmental sustainability. To illustrate, the development of artificial intelligence is a chance for humanity
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
intervenes
Wrong verb form
intervene
show examples
 to improve it, not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
infantilize it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that all innovations should be led by ethical considerations
more
Rephrase
rather
show examples
 than consumption and
then
Linking Words
profit
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that new technologies are only led by economic growth, others believe that
innovation
Use synonyms
 should be targeted towards addressing social and environmental issues. In my opinion, societies have to find a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 approach to provide technological advancement with commercial viability, and the necessity to support a humanitarian
innovation
Use synonyms
. Ultimately,
innovation
Use synonyms
 should serve
people
Use synonyms
, not the other way around.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly state your opinion in a strong way. Make sure it's clear that you will provide a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas better. Use more linking words to help the reader follow your thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure every paragraph has one clear main idea. This will help to support your main points effectively.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your points, particularly about technology in medicine and renewable energy.
task achievement
You have discussed both sides of the argument well, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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