IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, wastes money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In recent years, the role of
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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is
Wrong verb form
has been
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broad
Add an article
a broad
the broad
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 issue in the public debate.
However
Linking Words
, some believe that
policians
Correct your spelling
politicians
 funding should be
direct
Replace the word
directed
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 toward
on
Change preposition
apply
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community
services
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare or education. The following essay will clarify
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these viewpoints. On the one hand, it is essential to recognize that individuals ought to have significant advantages of regional
services
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as medication or education. A critical aspect to highlight is that better medication systems will enhance public health, which highlights that authorities should build more hospitals to meet people's health needs, offering a direct impact on people’s quality of life.
In addition
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, another vital point to emphasize is that education is a solid foundation for long-term national development by equipping students with essential skills and comprehension.
Furthermore
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, investing in infrastructure like roads and public transport systems can develop economic growth and reduce traffic congestion.
For example
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, one can observe that, in many developed countries, there are modern schools and hospitals available in almost every region, which shows the importance of these
services
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, indeed,
art
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in society,
therefore
Linking Words
, it should not be underestimated. A crucial consideration is that it contributes to spiritual life, cultural identity, and the economy. It understands that artistic activities
such
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 as theatres, music, and
art
Use synonyms
 enhance spiritual life, and improve mental health by helping reduce stress. What’s more, the arts preserve national identity and cultural heritage through performances and traditional shows. From an economic perspective, the
art
Use synonyms
 industry creates many jobs and attracts tourism.
For instance
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, large music and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
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 festivals
such
Linking Words
 as Broadway in the US or traditional shows in Vietnam attract millions of tourists every year. In conclusion,
although
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
services
Use synonyms
 should remain the top priority, supporting the arts is
also
Linking Words
 important for both cultural and economic reasons.
Therefore
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, investing in
art
Use synonyms
 should not be considered a waste. I think the government should balance spending to comprehensively develop the material and spiritual issues of the people.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. This helps the reader know your main point right away.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments about the arts. This will make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion sums up your main points effectively and restates your opinion clearly.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which gives a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
Your points about public services like healthcare and education are strong and relevant.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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