The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinges up on one's privacy. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
Social
media
has been Use synonyms
a
very interesting and, sometimes, important to Correct article usage
apply
someones's
life. It removes Correct your spelling
someone's
distance
between Add an article
the distance
users
Use synonyms
that
they can be connected everywhere they are. Correct word choice
so that
Also
, social Linking Words
media
has been economically beneficial for influencers who can get profits by sharing or selling things. Use synonyms
Thus
, it is believed by founders that social Linking Words
media
Use synonyms
connecting
humans Wrong verb form
connects
in
the entire globe and Change preposition
around
enabling
Wrong verb form
enables
people
to share many things. Use synonyms
However
, some negative opinions Linking Words
arised
because when using social Correct your spelling
arise
arose
raised
media
Use synonyms
means
there is a chance of privacy gaps. My opinion Verb problem
apply
stands
Verb problem
is
for
some restrictions and regulations should be enforced to save Change preposition
that
people
's private Use synonyms
life
when using social Fix the agreement mistake
lives
media
.
The advancement of technology made Use synonyms
people
easily connected through social Use synonyms
media
platforms. Many positive developments Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
people
's Use synonyms
relationship
, either personal or Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
work-life
, have been shown by the existence of social Correct your spelling
work life
media
. Even it can support Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
on
posting what is happening in their Change preposition
in
life
, happiness or Fix the agreement mistake
lives
griefness
. Correct your spelling
grief
Thus
, Linking Words
people
with Use synonyms
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
relationship
could easily make communications. The availability of social Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
media
Use synonyms
raise
Change the verb form
raises
people
's awareness Use synonyms
to
the world's condition, Change preposition
of
such
as war, conflicts, Linking Words
global
phenomena. It removes boundaries between humans to share the actuals.
Correct word choice
and global
However
, when signing up for an account to use social Linking Words
media
, a person has to share some privacy Use synonyms
data
, Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
born
date or complete name. Without proper safety procedures from social Verb problem
a birth
media
Use synonyms
platform
, and pointing to the high possibility of hi-jack, Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
Use synonyms
users
Change noun form
users'
user's
data
might be leaked everywhere and might bring to another level of crime Use synonyms
such
as falsification. Linking Words
For instance
, in Indonesia, there was Linking Words
a
website piracy by Correct article usage
apply
a
hackers Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
and
led to around 100 Correct word choice
which
Use synonyms
users
Change noun form
users'
data
Use synonyms
leaked
to open public and the problem staggered to a national level. Actually, it could be avoided by using more Add a missing verb
being leaked
advance
website security systems or Replace the word
advanced
multi-layers
security Correct your spelling
multi-layer
password
when accessing the platforms. From Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
users
' perspective, frequently changing Use synonyms
password
might help to secure their accounts.
In conclusion, social Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
media
has bridged Use synonyms
people
's communication and relationships. It Use synonyms
also
allows Linking Words
people
to see through what Use synonyms
happen
in the world from posts. Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
However
, to save the user's Linking Words
privacy
Replace the word
private
data
from hackers, some steps might be required to be implemented Use synonyms
such
as app developers Linking Words
apply
double-layer security, or Wrong verb form
applying
the
setting Correct article usage
apply
for
mandatory Change preposition
apply
fequently
Correct your spelling
frequent
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
the
user's password.Change preposition
of the
anindarudiastuti
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay presents both views reasonably well but could expand on the arguments and provide more examples to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are difficult to understand. Make sure to keep your sentences clear and straightforward for better communication.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and present both sides of the issue in your essay.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the situation in Indonesia to illustrate the privacy issue.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite