IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drinks product contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years , it has been
mach
Correct your spelling
made
 more common that a lot of manufactured drinks and food products contain big amounts of
sugar
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Correct word choice
and due
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 it will cause many health problems , so if we want to
takle
Correct your spelling
tackle
take
this
Linking Words
 problem they should make the sugary product more pricy to
ecourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 people to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
.I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement so in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
explian
Correct your spelling
explain
 why and support my opinion. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe manufactured are the problem
at
Add a missing verb
is at
show examples
 first
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 try to sell them
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 cheap prices do you
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 why because they put
big
Change preposition
in big
show examples
 amounts of
sugar
Use synonyms
 and all of us
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
what suger
show examples
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
 does with our body
whan
Correct your spelling
when
 we eat it we will be addicted with there products that are foll of
sugar
Use synonyms
 which we will buy a lot of their products than we will be there local coustmer look from were we started and how we ended with.
for instance
Linking Words
 ,many young people now
whan
Correct your spelling
when
their
parennts
Correct your spelling
parents
 give them money
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
directly go to the supermarket and buy lots of snacks because there are cheaper than fruits and veggies but
also
Linking Words
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they are addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion ,looking
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the topic in detail we can clarify that
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 are the main problem and if we need to reduce that it will be making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy food more expensive but it
Add a missing verb
is nnot
show examples
nnot
Correct your spelling
not
 only
this
Linking Words
 it cause we could control our
selfs
Correct your spelling
selves
show examples
 and teach our children to.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to be clearer. State your opinion directly and outline the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs have clear topic sentences and that the ideas are connected. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Use simple sentences and check your spelling to make your writing clear. Avoid long sentences that may confuse the reader.
task achievement
You have a strong opinion and clear argument that sugary products should be more expensive.
task achievement
Your examples about young people's shopping habits make your argument relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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