IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that having a competitive spirit in the work atmosphere, during education or even in day-to-day life can be considered as a positive manner,
however
Linking Words
,
others
Use synonyms
 believe that competition can be detrimental and
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should try to be more cooperative. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both these perspectives and my own point of view will be discussed. On
one
Use synonyms
 hand, many think that being exposed to constant examination in the eyes of
others
Use synonyms
 and
comparison
Use synonyms
 to
others
Use synonyms
 can help
one
Use synonyms
 to challenge himself and try to show a better version of himself.
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 example research on siblings with similar ages that shows the abilities of
such
Linking Words
 children can better be flourished
due to
Linking Words
 the
comparison
Use synonyms
 of their siblings, as an approval of their belief.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they mention the score-based system of education from elementary school to high school as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proof of their claim.
Also
Linking Words
, you can notice in big companies when there is a vacancy, more qualified employees will get promotions compared to
others
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since there is merely
one
Use synonyms
 position available and more than
one
Use synonyms
 person applying for it. So, it’s just only fair to accept
people
Use synonyms
 based on merits which comes from
comparison
Use synonyms
 to
others
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
people
Use synonyms
 should not be put in
such
Linking Words
 competitive conditions as it can harm them mentally. to explain it more vividly, being in a competitive situation makes you believe you are simply not good enough which can cause a lack of confidence and more personality issues as
one
Use synonyms
 grows older.
For example
Linking Words
, if parents continuously compare their children with each other or if in a class students are constantly compared with other peers, it can kill
one
Use synonyms
’s confidence and self-esteem as you may think how hard you try you will never reach the achievement
others
Use synonyms
 are capable of.
Such
Linking Words
 wrong beliefs can even affect your future relationships, making a weak person out of you. So,
due to
Linking Words
 these reasons I firmly believe cooperation with
others
Use synonyms
 is much more constructive than
comparison
Use synonyms
. Being cooperative can help you become calmer, helping and supporting which will ultimately help us build a better society. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some consider
comparison
Use synonyms
 as a valuable element, to my mind and some
others
Use synonyms
comparison
Use synonyms
 is more of a negative and harmful element rather than useful as it can kill your intuition and harm your self-esteem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain your main ideas with strong examples. This will make your points clearer for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Try to ensure that all your paragraphs are linked better to make it easier to follow.
task achievement
Work on using more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both views, which is very good.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: