the graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne ,Austalia for the period 2000 to 2020

the graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne ,Austalia for the period 2000 to 2020
IELTS Writing Task Chart for the graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne ,Austalia for the period 2000 to 2020
The line graph illustrates the numbers of One Social Center participants at different activities in Melbourne, Australia from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, over 20
years
Use synonyms
, the film club
members
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remains
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
the highest, where the rest of the activities
members
Use synonyms
fluctuated throughout the given
years
Use synonyms
, particularly the table tennis and amateur dramatics. In 2000, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
around 65 participants in the film club, which
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
stadly stable until 2020, with around 70
members
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
musical performances only started in 2005 and
raise
Wrong verb form
raised
show examples
gradually to almost 15 persons in 2020,
while
Linking Words
martial arts began with around 37
members
Use synonyms
, it reached almost 40 ten
years
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later, and down to nearly 35
at the end
Linking Words
of the given year, if the given time.
Whereas
Linking Words
the table tennis and amateur dramatics were the most fluctuated activities. With over 50
members
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in the table tennis in the first decade, it dramatically increased in the following
years
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up to around 55
members
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in 2020,
whereas
Linking Words
the adult drama had more than 28
members
Use synonyms
in the first 5
years
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,
then
Linking Words
it falls sharply through the
years
Use synonyms
until 2020, where the numbers were less than 9
members
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, members with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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