IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is that? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more?

These days, people have
tendency
Correct article usage
a tendency
show examples
 to cycle as an effective
of
Check wording
way of
show examples
 improving their physical health and protecting
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 situation can be explained by many causes and methods to accelerate the use of
bicycles
Use synonyms
. In today’s fast-paced world, the drivers have a variety of ways to choose a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of transportation
instead
Linking Words
 of a bicycle. The
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
major reason is overdependence on
motor
Use synonyms
 vehicles
such
Linking Words
 as cars or motorcycles. These modes of transport are more convenient and suitable for long distances than
bicycles
Use synonyms
. What is more, many countries lack facilities, which are cycling paths.
Therefore
Linking Words
, cyclists in these regions must be in the same lane as the
motor
Use synonyms
, which
Check wording
vehicle, which
show examples
 is threatening behaviour.
For instance
Linking Words
, in main
metropolitans
Use the right word
metropolises
show examples
 like Ha Noi City or Ho Chi Minh City, clogged roads during rush hours, and limited cycling lanes have led to the trend of using automobiles or public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
. Promoting cycling can be initiated through various approaches.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should impose a heavy tax on
motor
Use synonyms
 vehicles.
This
Linking Words
 tax would discourage everybody from using the
motor
Use synonyms
, and
hearten
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 them to change to
bicycles
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the authorities should build more bicycle lanes for citizens. When a system is well-developed, people would consider
bicycles
Use synonyms
 a safe and convenient mode of transport. In conclusion, there are some causes why people seldom ride
bike
Fix the agreement mistake
bikes
show examples
 as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of transport
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 its less flexibility and deficient amenities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a few ways to
hearten
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 individuals to use
bicycles
Use synonyms
more specifically
Rephrase
include
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high taxation and private lanes for
bicycles
Use synonyms
. (By Minh Châu – 250 words)

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Make sure to clearly state your main points in each paragraph. This helps the reader understand your ideas better.
task achievement
You presented clear reasons for why people use fewer bicycles, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: