Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years,
wheater
Correct your spelling
whether
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or not
continue
Fix the infinitive
to continue
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to work after reaching the age of
retirement
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has become a widely discussed issue. As far as I am concerned, both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
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have
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has
show examples
their merit and the decision should be up to the person who reaches
the
Correct article usage
apply
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retirement
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age based on the analysis of advantages and
disvantages
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disadvantages
. One of the main advantages of
retirement
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is health and well-being. In fact, it allows individuals to rest and recuperate after decades of hard work, which can improve both their physical and mental health.
Moreover
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, it can provide time and freedom for people to engage in hobbies and interests they might not have had time during their working years.
For instance
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, they may start gardening, reading and going to
cinema
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the cinema
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, which are fruitful activities that
helps
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help
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feel
Correct pronoun usage
them feel
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fulfilled and satisfied.
Finally
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, retiring can provide job opportunities for younger generations, tackling youth unemployment and bringing fresh
perspective
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perspectives
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into the workforce. On the other
hands
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hand
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, some people may feel worried about the emptiness caused by the lack of a daily routine. They think that, after years of work, is tough to wake up and do not have a goal.
Furthermore
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, many countries do not have strong pension systems in place that support retirees financially,
thus
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contributing to the fear of remaining with little amount of money to enjoy not essential
activites
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activities
,
such
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as eating in a restaurant or doing a trip. In
this
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context, some individuals choose
flexible
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the flexible
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retirement
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option, which allows both to slowly process their incoming
retirement
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and to save more money. In conclusion,
while
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retiring has some benefits, often workers
needs
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need
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to take more time before leaving
for ever
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forever
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their job position.
For
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this
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reason, there is
not a
Rephrase
no
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right or wrong decision and retirees should
choice
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choose
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depending on their
valutation
Correct your spelling
valuation
evaluation
of the situation.

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introduction
Your introduction should clearly state your main opinion to guide the reader. Consider rephrasing it to be more direct.
coherence
Make sure every paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This helps improve the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
grammar
Check for grammatical errors, such as incorrect plural forms and missing articles. This can improve clarity.
content
You present a balanced argument discussing both sides of the issue.
support
Your points about health and engagement in hobbies are relevant and meaningful.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
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