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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia for the years 2004 - 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia for the years 2004 - 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table gives information about domestic catches and the number of
importation
Fix the agreement mistake
importations
show examples
 of fresh
fish
Use synonyms
 into Perth,
Austalia
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
 during a ten-year period. The unit of
fish
Use synonyms
 is measured in
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest amount of
fish
Use synonyms
 harvested and sold abroad was in 2009,
while
Linking Words
 2005 had the lowest metric ton of
fish
Use synonyms
 caught locally and imported.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of
fish
Use synonyms
 that were caught locally and sold to other nations fluctuated relatively throughout the given period of time.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the majority of
fish
Use synonyms
 caught in Australia and imported to other countries was in 2007, 2008, and 2009 with 6532.7, 8854,
8949
Correct word choice
and 8949
show examples
tonnes
Use synonyms
 respectively, compared to the years 2004, 2005, and 2006
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had the lowest number of
fish
Use synonyms
 both caught and sold overseas with figures a little under 5,000
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
Secondy
Correct your spelling
Secondly
, between 2004 and 2007 there were under 500
tonnes
Use synonyms
 of
fish
Use synonyms
 that were imported into Perth, Australia.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was a little discrepancy of about 500
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in the amount of
fish
Use synonyms
 harvested domestically in 2012 and 2013 with values
4,271.3
Change preposition
of 4,271.3
show examples
 and 4739.9 respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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