Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to expliot them. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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we have
community
Add an article
a community
show examples
that says it is
normall
Correct your spelling
normal
to
use
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animals
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for our quality of
life
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or our benefit.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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we have some
people
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that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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thinking it is not appropriate to
use
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them
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
our tools. I would say that
its
Change the pronoun
it
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depends
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
wich
Correct your spelling
which
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usage
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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we need
animals
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, the reason is
past
Change preposition
in past
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decades
people
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Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
have expliot
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expliot
Correct your spelling
exploit
animals
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for
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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in our history each person that days had one horse or even more, the reason why in the past we used to
Use synonyms
expliot
Correct your spelling
exploit
animals
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its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
for
Correct article usage
the enviroment
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enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
and
also
Linking Words
for progress. In
this
Linking Words
century decreased usage of
animals
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cause of
thechnical
Correct your spelling
technical
prograss
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progress
programs
.
However
Linking Words
people
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Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
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days
use
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animals
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in medicine to combat or determine some bad viruses or
bacterias
Fix the agreement mistake
bacteria
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.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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we have
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
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expliot
Correct your spelling
exploit
animals
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in cosmetics companies.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That's
show examples
why a lot of
people
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creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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baycots
Correct your spelling
boycotts
to
Change preposition
for
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every cosmetics industry or company. It has been proved that our
beuty
Correct your spelling
beauty
community trying to solve
this
Linking Words
problem by replacing
life
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creatures. Our scientists
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
new ways to
replacing
Change the form of the verb
replace
show examples
animals
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with robots or other things. 
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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we have sort of
people
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thinking that using
animals
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for
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
quality of our lives
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
normall
Correct your spelling
normal
normally
,
also
Linking Words
they pretending
Wrong verb form
pretend
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to say that
animals
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its
gift
Fix the agreement mistake
gifts
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from God, and God gave
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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to
use
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as food or type of transport but our progress
proving
Wrong verb form
proven
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that we less need
animals
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to live normally our lives. I could add my own point of view that nowadays
animals
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
great companions in our daily
live
Replace the word
lives
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.
For
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instance
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instance,
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cats and dogs
very
Add a missing verb
are very
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kind and they
are making
Wrong verb form
make
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happy our days.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
been
prooved
Correct your spelling
proved
show examples
that
animals
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helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
with mental problems and making feel calm and relieved. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
I would say that we
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
have to
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expliot
Correct your spelling
exploit
animalls
Correct your spelling
animals
at least we should avoid
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bad behaviour to them we
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
need to be
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
with them. But
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
endless combat between
people
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which is for
Use synonyms
expliot
Correct your spelling
exploiting
animals
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and
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
that
against using
animals
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as tools for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas better. Make sure you have clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your points should follow a clear order.
task achievement
Make sure you answer the question completely and give your opinion clearly. Always connect your ideas back to the main question.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. This will make your writing stronger and more convincing.
content
You show a clear understanding of both sides of the argument, presenting different opinions about using animals.
content
You provide a personal opinion at the end, which adds to the discussion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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