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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question (Pie Charts): The pie charts below show how electricity was used in an average household in two different years: 2000 and 2020. Electricity Usage in a Household Category2000 (%)2020 (%) Heating45 30 Water Heating20 25 Refrigeration10 15 Lighting15 10 Other Appliances10 20

Question (Pie Charts): The pie charts below show how electricity was used in an average household in two different years: 2000 and 2020. Electricity Usage in a Household Category2000 (%)2020 (%) Heating45 30 Water Heating20 25 Refrigeration10 15 Lighting15 10 Other Appliances10 20
This
Linking Words
 pie chart
Correct your spelling
illustrates
illusrtates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the average usage of electricity in 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
 all five
categories
Use synonyms
flunctuates
Correct your spelling
fluctuate
 throughout the given periods. The most noticeable feature is that there was a clear increase of 15% in the average usage of electricity in 2000 as compared to 2020. There were
also
Linking Words
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
evident differences for all of the five
categories
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, by 2000 an average of heating and lighting
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 45% and 15%
relatively
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, by 2020 there was a surge for the rest of
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
categories
Use synonyms
 Water heating,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
, and other
appliances
Use synonyms
 with the
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 of 20%, 10% and 10%.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 first place
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and other
appliances
Use synonyms
 followed the same trend by 2000 with an average of 10%. By 2020 the category of other
appliances
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 almost double
of
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
appliances
Use synonyms
 by 2000. The heating showed an increase by 2000 meanwhile, there was a reduction for water heating by 5%. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
surge
Add an article
a surge
show examples
 of two
categories
Use synonyms
 by 2000 and
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
show examples
 for the rest of
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
similarly
Linking Words
 followed the same trend
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was vice versa by 2020.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words categories, appliances with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "surge" was used 2 times.
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