IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern lifestyles are completely different from the way people lived in the past.Some people think changes have been positive by others believe they have been negative.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today’s Lifestyles totally differ from it was before. Some may agree that it has a positive impact
while
Linking Words
 others say
otherwise
Linking Words
. People with different perspectives on the given topic will be discussed later
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are a lot of advantages at present that we are experiencing until now. To name a few
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the most common ones are the advancement of technology and access to medical innovations. It is evident that the way of
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
living now is more convenient than before.
For example
Linking Words
, in communication, you can easily call someone
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using a mobile device whenever you want to,
whereas
Linking Words
 in the past, you
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 have to send a letter,
Correct word choice
and delivered
show examples
delivered
Wrong verb form
deliver
show examples
 it
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 courier,
then
Linking Words
 it
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reach the receiver in a month or so.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the availability of medical equipment is very helpful today. A lot of illnesses have been found its
cure
Replace the word
cured
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some drawbacks to these advancements.
According to
Linking Words
 the World Health Organization, in
2025
Correct article usage
a 2025
show examples
 study, there had been a significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in cardiovascular diseases to 50% since 2018, which are related to
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle. Since everything is provided
at-hand
Correct your spelling
at hand
show examples
, people tend to move less. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is true that modernization is
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
advantageous to
this
Linking Words
 generation, it
also
Linking Words
 has a negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. We should not merely rely on the benefits that these technologies could offer but we must
also
Linking Words
 learn
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to control the usage of it. Balance In every aspect is the key to a better life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure that each paragraph clearly supports your main idea. Try to add more examples where possible.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your writing by using linking words like 'however', 'moreover', or 'firstly'.
task achievement
Try to give a clearer introduction. You can add a sentence that explains your own opinion about the changes in modern lifestyles.
task achievement
You provided a good discussion of both views on modern lifestyles.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well, emphasizing the need for balance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: