IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that
subjects
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
music
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, art and drama, crucial as other
school
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subjects
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, especially
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary
school
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. I
compleatly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as they will improve their creativity and may discover their hidden
talant
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talent
talents
 from
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
age
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. First and foremost, Drawing
picture
Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
show examples
 or playing
music
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 has a positive impact on your creativity.
This
Linking Words
 is because becoming a either good painter or musician requires
a
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apply
show examples
excelent
Correct your spelling
excellent
 creativity and you will improve
this
Linking Words
 skill through exercises in lessons.
For example
Linking Words
, the well-known painter from Uzbekistan, who is
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
 for his creative works, Muhammad Shokirov,
tells
Verb problem
says
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 that one of the main reasons why he is so
skillfull
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skilful
skillfully
 was art lessons in his primary
school
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.
Secondly
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,
those kind
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that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of
subjects
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 can identify gifted children and provide an opportunity to develop
it
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them
show examples
 from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
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.
in addition
Linking Words
,
Traing
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Training
 from
early
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an early
show examples
age
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 may give them
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 advantage to succeed
those
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in those
show examples
feilds
Correct your spelling
fields
.
For instance
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, Pop legend, Michael Jackson discovered his talent in
music
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 from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
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, thanks to the
music
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 classes in his
school
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.
As a result
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, he got an opportunity to
sharp
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sharpen
show examples
 his skills in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 classes. Afterwards, he participated
several
Change preposition
in several
show examples
compititions
Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
 and claimed
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
victory every time and before he
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 15, he was already
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
musican
Correct your spelling
musician
musicians
. In conclusion, Art,
dramma
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drama
, and
music
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 classes
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 beneficial to
children'
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children's
show examples
 certain
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 may discover their potential talents.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we have to admit that they are as important as other
subjects
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Your introduction is a bit unclear. Try to restate the question more clearly and make your position clear from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas better. Use linking words to help the reader follow your thoughts.
grammar and vocabulary
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. For example, 'completely' instead of 'compleatly' and 'talent' instead of 'talant'. Fixing these will improve your overall writing quality.
task achievement
You have a strong opinion and provided good examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your points about how art helps creativity and talent discovery are very relevant and clear.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
What to do next:
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