Growing number of over-weight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the

precentage

Correct your spelling

percentage

of fat people has increased and the

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

system is putting a lot of effort

to solve

Change preposition

into solving

show examples

this

Linking Words

problem;

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

some people believe that adding a new subject that encourages students to exercise is an ideal solution,

while

Linking Words

others object to that. In

this

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

essay

show examples

assay

Add a comma

assay,

show examples

I will go through both sides of

this

Linking Words

conflict, and

then

Linking Words

allow me

to conclude

Linking Words

my opinion. Introducing students to a new

activty

Correct your spelling

activity

is strategic, effective, useful and beneficial. It can help children to learn the importance of staying active from a young age.

This

Linking Words

can lead to

healther

Correct your spelling

healthier

habits as they grow older.

Fourther more

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, it can

also

Linking Words

build teamwork and social skills. These benefits can improve

overall

Linking Words

well-being.

For example

Linking Words

, studies showed that 70% of people who started working out

from

Change preposition

show examples

a young age

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

better health

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

than the ones who did not. Even though the points mentioned above are influencing, there are reverse points that

holds

Change the verb form

hold

show examples

equal influence. To

illustarte

Correct your spelling

illustrate

that,

this

Linking Words

solustion

Correct your spelling

solution

diffucalt

Correct your spelling

difficult

, money-consuming and time-consuming.

In other words

Linking Words

teacher

Add an article

the teacher

a teacher

show examples

noticed that the majority of

childern

Correct your spelling

children

pay

attantion

Correct your spelling

attention

to other subjects.

For example

Linking Words

, history

due to

Linking Words

knowing that they have more

obligation

Fix the agreement mistake

obligations

show examples

and credits

Change preposition

for

show examples

their final score.

Also

Linking Words

, many schools

rised

Correct your spelling

raised

a flag because they do not have enough space to do the activity that will

drow

Correct your spelling

draw

show examples

the

childern

Correct your spelling

children

attantion

Correct your spelling

attention

nor

Correct word choice

show examples

the coaches. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

adding

this

Linking Words

subject is beneficial and entertaining, there are

also

Linking Words

obsiticals to do so. as a

results

Correct the article-noun agreement

result

show examples

completly dissagree

Correct your spelling

completely disagree

with the statement above.

ghaiidaaljuaidMon May 26 2025

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Task Achievement

Make your introduction clearer by outlining your main points more explicitly.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use more linking words to connect your ideas better, which will improve the flow of your essay.

Language

Work on spelling and grammar, as there are several mistakes that affect understanding.

Positive Aspect

You have a good understanding of the topic and provide some relevant points of view.

Positive Aspect

Your examples are relevant and help support your ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

over-weight
health care
health issues
physical education
curriculum
healthier habits
diabetes
heart disease
healthcare costs
active
teamwork
social skills
well-being
partner
lifestyle
nutrition
education
children
future
young age

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