IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Many people in some countries choose to own a home rather than renting. They believe that property is part of an investment because the
land
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 is getting higher.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can make a profit if they sell their lands. I think
this
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 is a negative situation since the
land
Use synonyms
price
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 is already bubbling and house development is bad for the environment. In the past, some people believe that having properties is lucrative.
However
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, recently, the citizen’s willingness to buy property has been lower than before. It happens because the
price
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 of
land
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 is beyond citizen’s abilities.
Moreover
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, citizens
also
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 have to think about additional expenses,
such
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 as administration fees and taxes. To illustrate, Jakarta, which is one of the megapolitan cities in Indonesia, has minimum prices for property taxes. These costs are more expensive than in other regions.
Therefore
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, many elderly citizens, who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 already pension, sell their lands and move to suburban areas,
for instance
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, Tangerang.
On the other hand
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, deforestation occurs because of house development. Many developers build properties in the forest.
This
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 circumstance affects wildlife,
such
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 as animals and plants. To illustrate, Papua, which is the largest island in Indonesia, has lost many extinct animals,
for instance
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, Burung Kasuari.
This
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 condition happens because trees and plants inside forests, which are the habitat of wild animals, have been cut down by many developers. Their purpose is to create many houses that can be sold to the citizens. They don’t think about how their work will impact the environment, especially nature living.
To sum up
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, people tend to own houses rather than rent because properties can be their investment. Meanwhile,
this
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 circumstance results in negative situations,
for instance
Linking Words
, rising
land
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 and bad environmental conditions.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it. This will help your reader follow your thoughts better.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas, like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', 'in conclusion'. This makes your essay flow better.
task achievement
Expand on your points a bit more by giving more detailed examples or explanations. This will make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
Try to use correct grammar and avoid parts where the meaning is not clear. This will improve your overall score.
task achievement
You have clear opinions about the topic, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
You have used some examples to support your points, which helps with your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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