IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

It is not exaggerated to say that the tendency of cosmetic
surgery
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 is increasing significantly with the high level of technology and the professional technique of plastic surgeons. The main purpose of the
people
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 who have undergone operations is to enhance their
beauty
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 and make them feel more confident when they go out. From my point of view,
this
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 issue has both pros and cons, but it is one of the most crucial pieces of evidence to prove that our world is more and more developed. On the one hand, cosmetic
surgery
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 has a positive aspect that relates to
people
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's
appearance
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.
Besides
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, there is an unrealistic
beauty
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 standard that always exists in the consciousness of
people
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 who can afford to have cosmetic
surgery
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.
Firstly
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, the definite purpose of
this
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 operation is to improve
people
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's
appearance
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 to boost their self-esteem.
Hence
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,
this
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 physical modification is to develop psychological benefits that help
people
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 feel happier and more comfortable with themselves.
Furthermore
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, in the entertainment or modelling industry,
appearance
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 can play a crucial role in finding professional opportunities.
Hence
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, they may get a better salary when they get a new career in the
beauty
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 industry, and
this
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also
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 helps them lead a better life.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 type of
surgery
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 always has many risks and disadvantages that can do harm to
people
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. The evident drawback that we can clearly see is health problems both during and after the
surgery
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 process. During
this
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 procedure, there are some risks as infection or bleeding.
In addition
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, after
surgery
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,
people
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 can be affected by side effects, which is a danger to their health, and the
surgery
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also
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 leaves scarring on their skin. Vitally, the change of
appearance
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 is
also
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 equivalent to the societal attitudes toward
beauty
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, so they will get a lot of negative comments from other
people
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 in real life or on social media.
This
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 type of bullying can injure the mental health of
people
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 who are undergoing
surgery
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. In summary, cosmetic
surgery
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 always has both benefits and drawbacks.
People
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 can get advantages in their
appearance
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 or career, but it
also
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 carries risks from
surgery
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 or
people
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's attitudes. It is important to have a proper perspective and get advice from an expert before undergoing any operations.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are clearly structured with topic sentences, supporting details, and clear transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Consider discussing more of the societal implications of cosmetic surgery to give a more rounded view of the topic.
positive
Your introduction is engaging and presents a clear overview of your topic.
positive
You present both sides of the argument, which shows good critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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