IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. Do you agree or disagree?

It is asserted that junior
members
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 of the family should be legally bounded to support elderly
people
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 especially when they are physically, psychologically and financially reliant on them. Some
people
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 believe that it elevates the desire to live more in old
people
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,
while
Linking Words
 others are of the opinion that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
executing
such
Linking Words
 a law,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can create stress in
youngsters
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. The following paragraphs expound on both perspectives.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with the statement that younger
members
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 should take responsibility for their seniors. From one standpoint, in today's expeditious life, it is difficult to manage jobs, take
care
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 of your family and look after your physically and financially dependent aged patriarch. It takes lots of time and effort causing stress in younger
people
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.
Besides
Linking Words
, they have to call off some activities or outings with friends
due to
Linking Words
 responsibilities towards their ancestors. It is
also
Linking Words
 financially draining in limited income to manage their needs, hospital visits and all.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will cause strain on the benefactor.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
youngsters
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 should be looking after their
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
, because elders spend all their lives taking
care
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 of their
kids
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 and junior family
members
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. They have prioritized the well-being and future of their
kids
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. They abandoned their comfort,
spent
Correct word choice
and spent
show examples
 money and years of their life to turn their
kids
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 into better
members
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 of society. So efforts from
youngsters
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 will not only aid them financially but it will give them motivation and satisfaction that their hard work paid off. Love, time and
care
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 from
kids
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 can keep parents living a quality life.
However
Linking Words
, the government should
also
Linking Words
 support and encourage children to take
care
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 of their elders. It will help in reducing stress and burden on children and they will be able to keep a balance between their work and responsibilities. So,
to sum up
Linking Words
,
youngsters
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 should be legally responsible for their elders in times of need with the help and support from the government.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main idea and relates to the question. For example, explain how the younger generation can help their elders in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly with linking words. For example, use ‘in addition’ or ‘firstly’ to help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
In your introduction, clearly state your position on the issue sooner. This will help the reader understand your view right from the start.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which is a strong aspect of task response. It helps show a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • filial piety
  • elder care
  • aging population
  • public resources
  • state welfare
  • financial burden
  • legal mandate
  • family dynamics
  • moral responsibility
  • residency
  • integrity
  • dependency
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