IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that we should teach boys and girls in separate
schools
Use synonyms
, since it eliminates distraction and creates a more focused
envorinment
Correct your spelling
environment
,
while
Linking Words
 others think
school
Use synonyms
 should remain unisex, because It will enhance socializing
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 between genders. I will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 before
explaning
Correct your spelling
explaining
 why I believe mixed
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 are better. First and
fore most
Correct your spelling
foremost
show examples
, separate
schools
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a better
envorinment
Correct your spelling
environment
 to
consentrate
Correct your spelling
concentrate
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 studies, because of
absence
Add an article
the absence
an absence
show examples
 of
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
 by
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
. As students grow, they will begin to develop
feeling
Replace the word
feelings
show examples
 for other
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
, and
this
Linking Words
 may reduce
focus
Correct article usage
the focus
show examples
 on studies. If there is no
opposide
Correct your spelling
opposite
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 in the classroom, they won't get distracted.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 statistics, Separated
schools
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 better academic status
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to traditional in Australia. Students have got
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
 scores in SAT and IELTS exams.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Mixed
schools
Use synonyms
improves
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
 the
scoial
Correct your spelling
social
 interaction
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 between genders which is
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 for their life after finishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. Most of the people
learns
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 how to talk or behave in
frnot
Correct your spelling
front
 of the other
gender
Use synonyms
 throughout the
school
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because students
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their shyness toward
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other
gender
Use synonyms
 by
communecations
Correct your spelling
communication
 and
competions
Correct your spelling
competitions
 in lessons.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Uzbekistan, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
allmost
Correct your spelling
almost
 every
school
Use synonyms
 is mixed, there are several options to
comunicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 and exchange ideas with each other in lessons and breaks. That's why,
Socialazation
Correct your spelling
Socialisation
 between genders is excellent
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other countries. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 Separate
schools
Use synonyms
 offer better
consentration
Correct your spelling
concentration
,
It
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 won't build primary social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 which
is mainly develop
Change the verb form
is mainly developed
is mainly developing
show examples
 in mixed
schools
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure to use correct spelling and grammar throughout the essay; it will improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of ideas. Use linking words to show relationships between points better.
task achievement
Support points with clear and specific examples; this will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You presented both views clearly and stated your opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were present, giving a clear structure to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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