IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that physical punishment is better to punish to discipline a child. while others argue that gentle-parenting is more feasible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some argue that it is better to beat up a child when they
misbehave
Correct subject-verb agreement
misbehaves
show examples
,
while
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 others argue that
gentle-parenting
Correct your spelling
gentle parenting
show examples
methods
Use synonyms
 should be adopted.
Although
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parents
Use synonyms
 may think that they are teaching their
children
Use synonyms
 valuable lessons by physically harming them, I believe that it is better to use other effective
methods
Use synonyms
 to discipline
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then
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 when they act out of character. On the one hand, some
parents
Use synonyms
 resort to violent
methods
Use synonyms
 of
disicipling
Correct your spelling
disciplining
discipline
 a child when they misbehave because they think that hitting them will make them aware of the consequences of their actions.
Furthermore
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, they believe that by physically harming them when they are wrong they are training them not to misbehave anymore.
For example
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,
according to
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 reports, in Nigeria, the majority of
children
Use synonyms
 who are beaten up become morally decadent.
However
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, I believe that physical punishment only makes
children
Use synonyms
 become violent because they develop resentment and a sense of fear of their
parents
Use synonyms
 thereby causing them to become more rebellious.
On the other hand
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, other people say that there are effective ways of avoiding violence and promoting physical behaviour. Physical punishments
creates
Change the verb form
create
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 a cycle of violence, as
children
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 who are beaten grow up to use violence, which harms society as a whole.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 should adopt
methods
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such
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 as communication, setting clear boundaries and rewarding good behaviour in order to encourage and develop self-discipline.
For instance
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, recent studies have shown that
parents
Use synonyms
 in The United Kingdom who use
gentle-parenting
Correct your spelling
gentle parenting
show examples
 skills to train their
children
Use synonyms
 raise morally upright individuals. In conclusion,
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although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
beating
children
Use synonyms
 is acceptable in certain cultures because it teaches them valuable life lessons.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should adopt
non violent
Add a hyphen
non-violent
show examples
methods
Use synonyms
 that
re-inforce
Correct your spelling
reinforce
 respect, understanding and healthy development.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph covers one clear main idea and supports it well. For example, your points about physical punishment and gentle parenting could be clearer and more connected.
task achievement
Try to include a wider range of specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more believable.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is good but could clearly state your opinion on the topic. A stronger conclusion would summarize your main points and restate your opinion clearly.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument well, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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