IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that competition at work at school and in daily life is good thing,others believe that we should try to cooprate more rather than copmeting against each other discuss both views and give your opinion

In my opinion, competition at
work
Use synonyms
, at school, and in daily
life
Use synonyms
 can both be a good thing and a bad thing. Why? Because I think too much of anything can be destructive. Yes, it is a very good thing to be competitive, but you don't overdo it. Having no competition in your
life
Use synonyms
 at all can be very depressing because you have no motivation,
no
Correct word choice
and no
show examples
 goals you want to achieve every time you wake up in the morning. I don't believe that there is
such
Linking Words
 a thing as co-operating too much. When you
work
Use synonyms
 with someone, you should
work
Use synonyms
 together as a team and cooperate, but
also
Linking Words
 do things for yourself, like something career-wise. You should think of your future and your
work
Use synonyms
. That goes the same if you are still in school. Take my school
life
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
. If I am very good at one subject
in particular
Linking Words
, lots of other
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 may come up to me and ask for pointers. I would be very glad to help them. If there is any homework, schoolmates may come over to do it together.
There
Change the word
It
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 fine and very good for building relationships, but sometimes there are people who think you are so nice and ask you to do their
work
Use synonyms
 for them.
This
Linking Words
 is where you should draw the line. Yes, you are friends and you should help each other, but that doesn't mean that you would have to do their homework or give them answers when there is a test. Remember,
life
Use synonyms
 is a competition. Be a winner.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be clearer. Try to restate the question in your own words and sum up your main points at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each idea flows smoothly into the next one. You can use phrases like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to connect your points better.
task achievement
Include more examples to support your opinions. For instance, you could mention a specific situation where competition helped you to achieve a goal or made a positive impact.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on competition and cooperation, which is good for your task response.
task achievement
You give a personal example about your school life, which helps to connect with your readers.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • competition
  • work
  • school
  • daily life
  • cooperate
  • goals
  • study
  • harder
  • classmates
  • learn
  • workplace
  • innovation
  • employees
  • outperform
  • ideas
  • solutions
  • benefit
  • company
  • growth
  • success
  • pressure
  • mental health
  • burnout
  • cooperation
  • common goals
  • group projects
  • communicate
  • collaborate
  • skills
  • relationships
  • help
  • community
  • belonging
What to do next:
Look at other essays: