IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of children doing regular physical activity in the UK and the world average in 2018. summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of children doing regular physical activity in the UK and the world average in 2018. summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of males and females belonging to different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in Australia who
performs
Wrong verb form
performed
show examples
 physical
excercises regulary
Correct your spelling
exercises regularly
 during 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of women from all
age
Use synonyms
 groups were engaged in physical
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
equivalent
Change the article
an equivalent
the equivalent
show examples
 number of people from
Add an article
the aged
show examples
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
, both men and women did regular
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. In terms of young boys and girls
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 15 to 24 higher percentage of boys performed physical activities in comparison
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 girls.
However
Linking Words
,the trend reversed simultaneously for the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 25 to 34, accounting for 42.2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for boys and 48.9
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for girls.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of females from the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 44 and 45 to 54 was similar, reporting more than 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, less number of men from the same
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 were interested in
workout
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
. The percentage of females and men
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 55 to 64 was
53percent
Correct your spelling
53 per cent
 and 45.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both the
gendere
Correct your spelling
gender
genders
gendered
 from
aged
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the aged
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 showed
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of interest in physical activities to improve health
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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