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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
The current bar chart compares the proportion of citizens of five
cities
Use synonyms
 in Australia in terms of their hot
drinks
Fix the agreement mistake
drink
show examples
 usage habits in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 most of the residents of all these five
cities
Use synonyms
 chose a cafe to have their
coffee
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 or tea during
this
Linking Words
 period.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the least preferred
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 was the fresh one in these
cities
Use synonyms
.
Hobart
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 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 were the most
instant
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 and fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 users respectively. More than 55% of dwellers of
Sydney
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, Melbourne and
Hobart
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 went to a cafe
for drinking
Change preposition
to drink
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weaks
Correct your spelling
weeks
.
This
Linking Words
 percentage declines to approximately 55% and less than 50% in Brisbane and Adelaide, respectively. The percentage of people who bought
instant
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coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weak
Correct your spelling
weeks
show examples
 in
Hobart
Use synonyms
 was about 55%, making the citizens of
this
Linking Words
 city the most
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 users. Residents of
Sydney
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preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 the least, by a percentage of 45%. In
Sydney
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 and
Melbourne
Add a comma
Melbourne,
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 about 43% of residents bought fresh
coffee
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 in
this
Linking Words
 period making these two
cities
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 the top two fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 users. Almost 47% and Less than 35% of people chose fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Hobart
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 ,and both Brisbane and Adelaide respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, coffee, hobart, sydney, instant with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • coffee and tea buying habits
  • instant coffee
  • fresh coffee
  • cafe culture
  • social influences
  • economic factors
  • city demographics
  • seasonal trends
  • marketing strategies
  • consumer preferences
  • availability
  • popularity
  • consumption patterns
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