IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write about 250 words.

It is argued that the
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 from developing nations residing in
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas have limited
access
Use synonyms
 to education. A part of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 believes that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing the number of educational
insititutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 can eradicate
this
Linking Words
 issue.
However
Linking Words
, other people
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
 that
access
Use synonyms
 to technology and
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 will solve the problem.
Thus
Linking Words
, both the suggestions can serve the purpose but
according to
Linking Words
 me the former approach
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more benefits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives followed by a conclusion. To commence with,
establishment
Add an article
the establishment
show examples
 of
schools
Use synonyms
 and employing tutors in remote locations have multifaceted advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 will provide an appropriate environment for study and supervision.
Students
Use synonyms
 who get
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to go
school
Change preposition
to school
show examples
 will be more focused towards study as the environment of school is designed in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way that
motivate
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motivates
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to
enagage
Correct your spelling
engage
 in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having
teachers
Use synonyms
 for supervision improves the quality of education.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
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 having
teachers
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 to supervise and guide them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will be able to clear the queries and confusions they have about subject and topic in simple words, which will enhance their understanding of the content.
Additionally
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,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
schools
Use synonyms
 will promote interpersonal relationships between upcoming generations. In educational institutions,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 will get
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to interact with other
students
Use synonyms
, friends and professors ,which will help in forming relationships and develop interpersonal skills , which is a necessity in workplaces as well. On the flip side, in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era where technology
serve
Change the verb form
serves
show examples
 most of the purposes, providing
access
Use synonyms
 to computers and
internet
Use synonyms
 facilities will teach much more than
schools
Use synonyms
, if utilised in
appropriate
Add an article
an appropriate
the appropriate
show examples
 manner. An example to support
this
Linking Words
 is,
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and computers store
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of data and knowledge in comparison to human minds.
Students
Use synonyms
 who have
internet
Use synonyms
 and gadgets can easily clarify their
query
Fix the agreement mistake
queries
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they can
access
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 anytime. They may not have to wait for the next day to meet
teachers
Use synonyms
 and ask their concerns.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach is convenient and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 no time constraints.
To conclude
Linking Words
, though both the solutions have benefits
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
Linking Words
according to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my perspective
schools
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 would be the best option to move with as computers and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 can mislead children, if not used in
productive
Change the article
a productive
show examples
 way.

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Task Response
Your introduction should clearly outline the two different views in a balanced way. Add a clear thesis statement that presents your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide readers through your ideas.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing benefits of schools and technology.
Task Response
Make sure to proofread to fix spelling errors, like 'childrens' to 'children' and 'rular' to 'rural'. These can affect your score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay addresses both views, which is good.
Task Response
You have a clear opinion throughout the essay, showing your stance on the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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