IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People are divided on the issue of choosing
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a carrier
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carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 wisely. Some individuals believe that a
person
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 should choose
his
Change the word
the
show examples
job
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as
Correct word choice
apply
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he
Add a verb
he is
he was
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 passionate about,
while
Linking Words
 others think that every
person
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 should be more serious about his
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carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 as per
requirements
Correct article usage
the requirements
show examples
 of his daily needs. On the one hand, one of the most plausible reasons why some people choose their dream as their
Use synonyms
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 is passion. When it comes to choosing a
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carrier
Correct your spelling
career
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more successful, if they choose the work they love most. Because
,
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apply
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 passion regarding any
job
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increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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the
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apply
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productivity and a
person
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enjoy
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
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 it more rather than doing an ordinary
job
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.
Furthermore
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, another reason for doing the
favorite
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favourite
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job
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 is mental relaxation. If a
person
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 is doing the
job
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 he loves most, it gives him
Add an article
a piece
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piece
Correct your spelling
peace
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 of mind and on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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top of that he has
less
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fewer
show examples
 complaints and more satisfaction
for
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in
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 his life.
On the other hand
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, there are
few
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a few
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 reasons
when
Correct word choice
why
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 a
person
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 needs to choose his
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carrier
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career
show examples
 as per
requirements
Correct article usage
the requirements
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 of his responsibilities. Not all jobs can
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the daily needs of a family man,
that is
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 why, sometimes a
person
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 should behave more
responsible
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responsibly
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. He has to choose a
job
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 which may be not liked by him
,
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apply
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 but can help him to earn bread and butter.
For example
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, a
person
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 loves to do paintings, but cannot choose painting as his
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carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 because it might be hard to crack a nut for buying his daily needs. In conclusion, I restate that
although
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dream
Correct article usage
a dream
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job
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 can give mental relaxation,
but
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apply
show examples
sometimes it makes
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
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 to meet both ends.
Thus
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, in my opinion, a
person
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 should
opting
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opt
be opting
show examples
 an occupation as per his social and personal responsibilities.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with details.
task achievement
Use clear examples that relate directly to your main points to strengthen your argument.
general improvement
Check your grammar and sentence structure to ensure clarity and understanding.
strength
Your essay presents both views clearly and shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • skill development
  • market demands
  • financial stability
  • career growth
  • job security
  • income level
  • fulfilling professional life
  • personal happiness
  • career counseling
  • job market trends
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • health implications
  • job automation
  • redundancy
  • emerging technologies
  • stable employment
  • motivated
  • competent
What to do next:
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