IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

Since airports were built and airlines created,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 easier, faster, more comfortable and cheaper in some ways, which means tourism
overall
Linking Words
 has rocketed.
Although
Linking Words
 if it's cheaper for us, does
this
Linking Words
meanit’s
Correct your spelling
mean it’s
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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’ good for everyone else around us? Our knowledge about problems caused by our travelling is very little. As an example, we don’t think about the fact that airports need a lot of space, far from the city, and that spaces are being taken from wildlife. Another big problem is CO2
emissions
Use synonyms
, which
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
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 in
greenhouse
Add an article
the greenhouse
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 effect , big weather changes and events
such
Linking Words
 as tornadoes, floods, heatwaves etc.
Overall
Linking Words
 global emission of CO2 is about 5 - 6%, doesn't seem so bad, right? But if I told you that
this
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 small percentage of pollution causes about 150 thousand deaths per year, wildlife not included, does
this
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 change your mind? Do not forget, we can always do something about it. For starters, airlines offer people to pay for the
emissions
Use synonyms
 used for their flights.
This
Linking Words
 money would be used for making new, better air technologies,
as
Change preposition
for
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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example new Boeing 737 would accommodate more people, which would calculate
into
Change preposition
apply
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less fuel usage per flight. Since the creation of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 by planes fuel making has come a long way and bio-fuel was invented. But the problem is that not all planes can be
runned
Correct your spelling
run
show examples
 by it. The conclusion of
this
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 essay is that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 by plane has its downsides,
although
Linking Words
 it has made its way for the better,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it doesn't mean that it’s the best way, there’s always another choice.
Emissions
Use synonyms
 caused by flight aren't that big, but it has a lot of impact on our wildlife and nature. You can help it, by donating some money for your flight’s
emissions
Use synonyms
 and maybe,
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
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 about
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 more
eco - friendly
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. Use a clear thesis statement to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Add smooth connecting words between ideas to help your reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
More specific examples related to wildlife and CO2 effects can strengthen your points.
task achievement
You raised important points about the dangers of CO2 emissions and their effects on wildlife.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summed up your main thoughts and gave a strong final statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
What to do next:
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