Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Nowadays, employees are working more than regular hours,
therefore
they don't have extra time
for leisure activities. This
essay will argue that despite earning a high salary,it impacts physical health and relationships with their loved ones.
To begin
with, there are some significant demerits of working long hours. First and foremost is decline
in physical activities. To elaborate, people have their full attention towards work, Add an article
a decline
the decline
as a result
, they are not only eating properly but also
skipping their daily walks and gym.These habits are responsible for creating many health-related issues. For example
, according to
a recent survey, six out of ten individuals are not doing basic exercises,because of not have time
for a hectic work schedule.
Moreover
, another root cause is employees'
are unable to give Change noun form
employees
time
to their pupils, partners and parents, which creates many problems for their families. It is acceptable that, they are making money for a better future for their children,but it is mandatory to give decent time
to pupils. For instance
, some young age people are addicted to drugs and alcohol, because their working parents do not have much time
to monitor them.
However
, working overtime gives extra income to support the basic needs of a working person. In today's era, money is everything for people,that is
why they are spending more and more time
to earn money rather than spending with families.
To conclude
, a group of folks, who are working extra hours have very little time
to spend with families as well and it has detrimental effects on health. Whereas
, they are spending more time
to fulfil their daily needs.Submitted by pp6859 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of working long hours. However, you need to elaborate more on your points, using a wider range of examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next with clear connections. This will enhance the readability of your essay and make your arguments more coherent.
task achievement
Work towards expanding your ideas to provide a more in-depth discussion of the topic. Use specific examples and evidence to back up your points, which will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay covers both sides of the argument and includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good overall structure.
task achievement
You have effectively identified and discussed the main issues related to working long hours, such as the impact on physical health and family relationships.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments presented in the essay, effectively bringing closure to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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