IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the line graph below shows the number of enquries recived by the tourist information office in one city over a six-months period in 2011.

the line graph below shows the number of enquries recived by the tourist information office in one city over a six-months period in 2011.
The line chart illustrates the number of enquiries
recived
Correct your spelling
received
 by the tourist information office in one city over
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a six-months
show examples
six-
Correct your spelling
six-month
show examples
months
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in
person
Use synonyms
 was the most popular
way
Use synonyms
 of enquirer by
six
Use synonyms
months
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
, the least famous was by email or letter
recived
Correct your spelling
received
 by the tourist over
Use synonyms
six
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
Use synonyms
months
Correct your spelling
six-month
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 in 2011. In
way
Use synonyms
 of in
person
Use synonyms
 rapidly increased from 400 to over 1800 between January and June.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the type of
enquries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
 by letter or email
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly fell by 200 over
Use synonyms
six
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
Use synonyms
months
Correct your spelling
six-month
show examples
period
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 sharply increased by two times
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 January and June in 2011. From January to February the least popular
way
Use synonyms
 was by in
person
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
six
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
Use synonyms
months
Correct your spelling
six-month
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 in
person
Use synonyms
 became the most famous
way
Use synonyms
 of enquirer.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period, person, way, six, months with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: