IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. What are the reasons for this? What can be done about this problem?

Enhancement of agriculture technology has been found in
this
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 era, but some
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 are still suffering from hunger.
This
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 essay will explore the possible reasons
such
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 as lack of agricultural area
as well as
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 poverty, and
then
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 argue that improving
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 distribution system and growing economic
condition
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conditions
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 are the most viable solutions. One of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 behind many
people
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 are still hungry is that many
places
Add a verb
places are
places were
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 unsuitable to cultivate rice, vegetables, and fruits.
This
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 is because all places around the globe have their own unique functions, not all of them dedicated
for
Change preposition
to
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 agricultural sites.
Therefore
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, some regions do not produce any sources of agricultural
product
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products
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,
thus
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 the price of foods is higher than
other
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in other
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 places.
Additionally
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,
food
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 is still exclusive for some
people
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.
For instance
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, in one village in Nusa Tenggara Timur,
people
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 rarely eat rice and nutritious fruits because the price is very expensive.
Consequently
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, they consume more affordable options which leads to undernourishment.
However
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, there are some possible solutions to hunger, one of which is improving transportation access for
food
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 distribution. If a country can minimize the cost
for
Change preposition
of
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 product distribution, the price
for
Change preposition
of
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agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
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 products will be cheaper.
In addition
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, maximizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth is
also
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 a good way to escape from
this
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 problem.
This
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 solution looks like a complex solution, but it will obviously decrease the poverty population.
As a result
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, more
people
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 afford to purchase
food
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 with good
nutritions
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nutrition
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. In conclusion, many
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
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 are still experiencing malnutrition, despite the agriculture technology advancement. It can be caused by limited agricultural area and numerous poor
people
Use synonyms
, but it can be solved by transportation system improvement and raising the economic levels of the countries.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and all sentences in the paragraph connect to it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to help your ideas flow better, such as 'firstly', 'moreover', 'on the other hand'.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points about hunger and solutions, as this makes your argument stronger.
task achievement
You clearly identified important reasons for hunger and suggested solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
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