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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into the categories, from 1995 to 2002

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into the categories, from 1995 to 2002
The graph provides information about the percentage of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK,
consisted
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consisting
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 of local-fixed
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line
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lines
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, national and international-fixed
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line
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lines
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, and mobiles (all calls), over a seven-year period between 1995 and 2002. At a glance, what stands out from the graph is that there was a slight upward
trends
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trend
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 in the amount of long durations of telephone calls in domestic-fixed
line
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 before
Correct article usage
a slightly
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slightly
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slight
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 drop in the
last
Linking Words
 three
years
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. Meanwhile, the least
intersested
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interested
figure
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 is phone
celulars
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cellulars
cellars
 even though it steadily increased year by year. Looking at the details, as regards local-fixed
line
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, the proportion started at just above 70% in 1995, and
then
Linking Words
 there was a gradual rise in the
last
Linking Words
 four
years
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 to 90%
this
Linking Words
figure
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 being the peak level of domestic calls during the whole period. In the following year, the
figure
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having falling
Wrong verb form
has fallen
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 marginally in the
last
Linking Words
 three
years
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 to just over 70% in 2002. If look at
National
Correct article usage
the National
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 and International
category
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categories
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, the trend
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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consisently
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consistently
consistent
increase
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increased
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 over the period
began
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beginning
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 at just under 40% in 1995 and reaching nearly 60% in 2002.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of
Add an article
the transaction
a transaction
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transaction
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transactions
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 using Mobiles had
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 trend with National and international
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figure
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figures
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. Even though it started at just under 5% in 1995 which meant that
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 method to communicate at that time, after that there was a marginal rise for four
years
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 at just under 25% in 1999 before going up significantly in the
last
Linking Words
 three
years
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 recorded at 45% in 2002.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line, years, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "marginally" was used 2 times.
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