IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph above shows the information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 daily
electricity
Use synonyms
 power
usage
Use synonyms
 (line graph) in opposing
season
Fix the agreement mistake
seasons
show examples
. Meanwhile, the pie chart exposes the number (in percentage) of daily energy needs for electronic
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
by people
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a particular city.
Overall
Linking Words
, the consumption of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in winter is higher than in
summer
Use synonyms
. In both seasons, the trends of daily energy consumption were fluctuating with peaks of
usage
Use synonyms
 recorded after 12.00 pm.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the highest designation of
electricity
Use synonyms
, worth more than 50%, was for heating systems (rooms and water). In
24-hour
Add an article
the 24-hour
a 24-hour
show examples
 period of measurement, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in winter
is fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuates
show examples
 between 30.000 to almost 50.000. Meanwhile, in the
summer
Use synonyms
, the range of figures are narrowing between 12.000 to 20.000. For both winter and
summer
Use synonyms
, the lowest occupancy of electric power is found in the morning between 6-10 am with
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 12.000 and 30.000, respectively,
while
Linking Words
 the highest measures between 9 - 12 pm, with figures 20.000 and around 49.000, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the
summer
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 peaked in the afternoon (around 12 - 15 pm), reaching around 20.000 in
figure
Add an article
the figure
show examples
. Electronics
such
Linking Words
 as the heater for rooms and water utilize the highest number of electrical power, with
figure
Add an article
the figure
a figure
show examples
 of 52.5%. The figure
then
Linking Words
 followed by ovens,
kettels
Correct your spelling
kettles
kettle
, and washing machines by 17.5%.
However
Linking Words
, the smallest
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for households
such
Linking Words
 as lighting, television, radio, food mixer, and vacuum cleaner, namely only 15%.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer by briefly explaining what the graphs show before diving into the details. Adding a small conclusion could also help summarize your main points better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow clearly from one to the next. Use linking words to help readers follow your points. You can use words like 'firstly,' 'secondly,' and 'finally.'
Task Achievement
Be careful with specific numbers. Make sure they are accurate and consistently formatted throughout your writing.
Task Achievement
You have included useful details about electricity usage and its fluctuations over time, which is a significant strength of your work.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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