IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Hw. Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students. Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students. Discuss these views. Which view do you agree with? Explain why.

Some people advocate that a college or university
education
Use synonyms
 should be available to all
students
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 others advocate that higher
education
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 should be available only to good
students
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. As far as I am concerned, Higher
Education
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 should be available for only bright
students
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 because of two reasons: affordability and the number of limited good teachers. First of all, money is one of the most important
requirement
Change to a plural noun
requirements
show examples
 of higher
education
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 because, to give a good
education
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,
universities
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 need a library that
possess
Change the verb form
possesses
show examples
 many books and academic resources.
Also
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,
universities
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 need laboratories to give science lectures. The
government
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 should afford
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of expenditures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
universities
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.
However
Linking Words
, if the number of
universities
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 increases
due to
Linking Words
 high demand, the
government
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 can struggle to give funds and it can be declined the quality of
universities
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.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the figures of good teachers are limited. Good teachers are very important to give good lectures for
students
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, and they generate the milestone
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
universities
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. Thanks to these people,
students
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 can improve their ability
of thinking
Change preposition
to think
show examples
 and they contribute
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
new perspectives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these professors search
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many new things and raise the degree of
universities
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. If the
government
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 establish many
universities
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, most of these
universities
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 cannot include these professors and
students
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 cannot benefit from their experience. It means that
students
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 will not improve themselves when they graduate.
To sum up
Linking Words
, higher
education
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 should be available for a few
students
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 because of the reasons that I mentioned. If the
government
Use synonyms
 allow to
establish
Replace the word
establishment
show examples
many
Change preposition
of many
show examples
universities
Use synonyms
, the
students
Use synonyms
 who graduate from these institutions will not improve themselves and they will not have different perspectives to do something.

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task achievement
Expand your supporting ideas to make your argument stronger. Try to add more examples or details.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transition words to help your ideas flow better from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your main idea and the reasons that support it.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument.
task achievement
The writer explains the importance of good teachers in education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • higher education
  • academic excellence
  • personal development
  • meritocratic
  • resource allocation
  • inclusive education
  • social equity
  • innovation
  • education pathways
  • academic performance
  • career opportunities
  • societal benefits
  • selective education
  • quality assurance
  • financial constraints
  • motivation
  • education standards
  • accessibility
  • equity and inclusion
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