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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie chart illustrates several destinations of anthropology alumni from one university after they finished their bachelor degree and the table gives information on the payment of the anthropology graduates after working for 5 years.

The pie chart illustrates several destinations of anthropology alumni from one university after they finished their bachelor degree and the table gives information on the payment of the anthropology graduates after working for 5 years.
The chart displays information about Anthropology graduates who did
anything
Correct pronoun usage
nothing
show examples
 after
completed
Change the form of the verb
completing
show examples
 their undergraduate degree course in an education centre,
then
Linking Words
 the table illustrates the
salaries
Use synonyms
 of anthropologists in occupation after a 5-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, over half of graduates prefer full-time
work
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, half of government sector employees took advantage
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
 within
this
Linking Words
 period. Detailed analysis of the bar chart, the rates of graduates in full-time postgrad study and
not
Correct determiner usage
those not
show examples
 known are equal to each other(8%). the sum of proportions of unemployed and part-time
work
Use synonyms
 + postgrad study learners almost close to university leavers in part-time
work
Use synonyms
, they are 17% and 15%,respectively.
According to
Linking Words
salaries
Use synonyms
, freelance consultants and government sector workers’s salary rates are similar to each other for both $ 25,000-49,999 and $ 50,000-74,999 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, employees who
work
Use synonyms
 in private companies get lower rates at $ 100,000 compared to other sectors, which account for 30%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the workers in private companies have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 proportion of $ 50,000-74,999(35%) compared to employees’
salaries
Use synonyms
 in
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 sector and freelance consultants.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salaries, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • bachelor's degree
  • anthropology alumni
  • employment sectors
  • salary ranges
  • academic roles
  • field research
  • public sector
  • non-profit organizations
  • private sector jobs
  • continuing education
  • job market trends
  • financial prospects
  • career progression
  • economic context
  • geographic location
  • cost of living
  • salary increases
  • experience
  • earning potential
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