IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some say it is government’s responsibility to limit sugar intake, while others say it’s individual who are responsible. Discuss both views and give you opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 have different views about the detrimental impact caused by excessive consumption of
sugar
Use synonyms
. It is true to say that the
government
Use synonyms
 not only takes the initiative to control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption but consumers are
also
Linking Words
 accountable for reducing the taking of unnecessary
sugar
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
however
Linking Words
, I will explain both views in association with
this
Linking Words
 concept
as well as
Linking Words
 my opinion. To commence with, the usage of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important issues all over the world. It is very normal that the
government
Use synonyms
 are accountable for manufacturing and importing
sugar
Use synonyms
 to fulfil the domestic demand.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 may monitor through law enforcement teams about
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 supply chain of
sugar
Use synonyms
 distribution but it is a bit difficult to check whether users are using
sugar
Use synonyms
 at the optimum level or not.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the authorities take the initiative to create awareness among the customers about the demerits of taking
sugar
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, BSTI (Bangladesh Standard Testing Institute) ensure the product information in all packaged and processed foods so that users can get the nutritional idea about the purchased food including
sugar
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a group of individuals tend to use
sugar
Use synonyms
 in almost every food item in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 which is why nowadays most
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from various health-related diseases including diabetes.
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are pretty aware of the negative consequences of taking excessive
sugar
Use synonyms
, some individuals are really unable to control them to avoid food items especially those that contain
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, after a certain age, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 have been suffering from diabetes and obesity.
For example
Linking Words
, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 are used to eating out
sugar
Use synonyms
 with tea or coffee across the globe which may lead them to different types of physical complications after a certain age. In conclusion, it is very challenging to control the usage of
sugar
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
. In my perspective,
however
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 are more aware of the negative
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 usage,
then
Linking Words
 it will create a positive impact not only on their health but
also
Linking Words
 on society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure by including an introduction that presents the topic and questions directly, followed by well-organized paragraphs that each focus on a single view or argument. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, aim to include clear statements that reflect the prompt and your own opinion. They should be distinctly stated and easy for the reader to identify.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide clear and well-supported main points throughout your essay. Use concrete and specific examples to underpin every argument you make, ensuring to explain how they are relevant to the discussion.
Task Achievement
To fully respond to the task, you need to ensure that your essay comprehensively covers all aspects of the prompt. This includes discussing both viewpoints thoroughly and providing a clear personal response to the question.
Task Achievement
To score higher, present your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Expand on your main points and provide detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments fully.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The use of such examples will demonstrate a better understanding of the topic and contribute to a stronger, more persuasive essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: