IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is beyond questions that our planet is becoming a more difficult place to support human life. However, other than investing money on doing research about other living planets, I contend that human should spend it on rescuing the Earth.

It is beyond
questions
Fix the agreement mistake
question
show examples
 that our planet is becoming a more difficult place to support human life.
However
Linking Words
, other than investing money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 doing research about other living planets, I contend that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 should spend it on rescuing the Earth. The first reason is that the exploration of other planets is costly and might not bring good results. A space trip to Mars or
Moon
Correct article usage
the Moon
show examples
 costs institutions like NASA a fortune and many years of
researching
Change the form of the verb
research
show examples
. Sending probes and crewed missions to other planets requires immense financial resources. Billions of dollars are needed to be spent on the development,
launch
Change preposition
of launch
show examples
vehicles
Change preposition
of vehicles
show examples
 like
rocket
Fix the agreement mistake
rockets
show examples
 and ongoing projects.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the immediate and tangible benefits of planetary exploration are not always clear. The chances of finding
readily
Correct article usage
a readily
show examples
 habitable planet are often perceived as extremely low, making the investment seem quite speculative.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial resources should be allocated to deal with human issues on Earth to make it a better place to live
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Money should be spent on
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
 environmental sustainability and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 pollution. Investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 renewable energy can bring rapidly and tangibly positive results to the environment. Funding
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 initiatives about reducing greenhouse gas emissions and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 natural ecosystems can help raise the quality of living on the Earth.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, money can be allocated more to eradicate poverty and improve global health. The living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 of many communities are still low because of unemployment and lack of health care institutions.
Endeavors
Change the spelling
Endeavours
show examples
 on saving them can create a more sustainable future for our planet.
This
Linking Words
 perspective is rooted in the belief that addressing fundamental human needs is the most impactful use of global wealth. In a nutshell, I advocate for the priorities toward
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sustainable, equitable and wealthy existence for all Earth’s inhabitants.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main point in the introduction. Consider rephrasing your thesis statement for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'first', 'second', 'finally' to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. Say which renewable energy sources are effective, or give a real-world example of poverty reduction.
content
You show strong concern for Earth and its issues.
content
Your second point about improving human life focuses on important issues like health and poverty.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: